How to Simulate Snow Skiing - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

lady · 09-18-2003, 09:04 PM

* Drive slowly for five hours - anywhere - as long as it's in a snowstorm and you're tailing an 18-wheeler. Stop at any gas station that serves food. When the waitress asks what you'd like, order an upset stomach, because that's probably what you'll get anyway.

* Visit your local butcher and pay $22 to sit in his walk-in freezer for half an hour. Afterward, burn two $50 bills to warm up. It's not real skiing but it's close.

* Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray sandblast your face. You'll almost believe you're skiing in front of a snowmaking gun.

* Sit under a sun lamp wearing goggles to get that chic raccoon look.

* Wear apres ski boots everywhere-even in the shower. For the best effect, get the boots that look like two dead Afghan hounds strapped to your calves.

* At the nearest hockey rink, walk across the ice 20 times in your ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, loaded accessory bag, and poles. Make believe you're looking for your car.

* For ski-boot simulation at home, put a pebble in your street shoes and tighten a C-clamp around your toes.

* Buy a pair of gloves and immediately throw one away. This will save you from losing it later.

* Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $3.50 for a hamburger. Be sure to wait in the longest line.

* Speaking of lines, stand in any movie line on the coldest day of the year. Inch ahead with the crowd but don't go in. Do this 12 to 18 times.

* To simulate losing a ski in deep powder, spend a lot of money to fly to a Caribbean resort. When you arrive toss a valuable ring out onto the beach. Then try to find it.

TheClarkster · 09-18-2003, 10:36 PM

Wow, it makes skiing sound so enjoyable. At least I know I can relate some of those to a horrible snowboarding trip.

mrquackers · 09-19-2003, 02:39 AM

I can't argue with any of this... but it all becomes irrelevent when we climb into the hot tub at the end of the day with margaritas in hand!

Mango · 09-19-2003, 09:20 AM

See my avatar. YOu can't do that at home.

Xell101 · 09-19-2003, 01:04 PM

I take it the person who made that can't ski...

Root_Beer_Man · 09-19-2003, 01:42 PM

you have to ASK to get a burger for $3.50 at McDonalds?? freaky

09-18-2003, 09:04 PM	#1 (permalink)
lady Addict Location: Vancouver, BC	How to Simulate Snow Skiing * Drive slowly for five hours - anywhere - as long as it's in a snowstorm and you're tailing an 18-wheeler. Stop at any gas station that serves food. When the waitress asks what you'd like, order an upset stomach, because that's probably what you'll get anyway. * Visit your local butcher and pay $22 to sit in his walk-in freezer for half an hour. Afterward, burn two $50 bills to warm up. It's not real skiing but it's close. * Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray sandblast your face. You'll almost believe you're skiing in front of a snowmaking gun. * Sit under a sun lamp wearing goggles to get that chic raccoon look. * Wear apres ski boots everywhere-even in the shower. For the best effect, get the boots that look like two dead Afghan hounds strapped to your calves. * At the nearest hockey rink, walk across the ice 20 times in your ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, loaded accessory bag, and poles. Make believe you're looking for your car. * For ski-boot simulation at home, put a pebble in your street shoes and tighten a C-clamp around your toes. * Buy a pair of gloves and immediately throw one away. This will save you from losing it later. * Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $3.50 for a hamburger. Be sure to wait in the longest line. * Speaking of lines, stand in any movie line on the coldest day of the year. Inch ahead with the crowd but don't go in. Do this 12 to 18 times. * To simulate losing a ski in deep powder, spend a lot of money to fly to a Caribbean resort. When you arrive toss a valuable ring out onto the beach. Then try to find it. __________________ Our doubts are traitors, And make us lose the good we oft might win By fearing to attempt.

09-18-2003, 10:36 PM	#2 (permalink)
TheClarkster Very Proud of Ya Location: Simi Valley, CA	Wow, it makes skiing sound so enjoyable. At least I know I can relate some of those to a horrible snowboarding trip. __________________ Do not speak Latin in front of the books.

09-19-2003, 02:39 AM	#3 (permalink)
mrquackers Exhausted Location: Northeastern US - please send help!	I can't argue with any of this... but it all becomes irrelevent when we climb into the hot tub at the end of the day with margaritas in hand! __________________ "If you're walking on thin ice, you may as well go ahead and dance."

09-19-2003, 01:42 PM	#6 (permalink)
Root_Beer_Man Crazy	you have to ASK to get a burger for $3.50 at McDonalds?? freaky __________________ >3 Cheers for boobies!!<

09-19-2003, 09:20 AM	#4 (permalink)
Mango Banned	See my avatar. YOu can't do that at home.

09-19-2003, 01:04 PM	#5 (permalink)
Xell101 Junkie	I take it the person who made that can't ski...