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Finally, a candidate who can explain the Bush administration's positions on civil liberties in the original German."
-- Bill Maher, on Schwarzenegger running for Governor.

"President Bush is supporting Arnold but a lot of Republicans are
not, because he is actually quite liberal. Karl Rove said if his
father wasn't a Nazi, he wouldn't have any credibility with
conservatives at all."
-- Bill Maher

"They're saying Arnold will get 95% of the vote. At least according
to his brother, Jeb Schwarzenegger."
-- Craig Kilborn

"President Bush has been silent on Schwarzenegger. Of course, he can't pronounce Schwarzenegger."
-- David Letterman

"Here's how bad California looks to the rest of the country. People in Florida are laughing at us."
-- Jay Leno

"Well, we're all excited because President Bush has started his 35-day vacation. He's down there in Crawford, Texas and on the first day of his vacation he went fishing. He didn't find any fish but he believes they're there and that his intelligence is accurate."
-- David Letterman

"President Bush held his first full press conference in over 5 months this week. He announced that the war on terrorism is continuing, much, much more work needs to be done on the economy, and Saddam Hussein has not yet been captured. And then he said, 'I'm going on vacation for a month.'"
-- Jay Leno

"President Bush is leaving to go to Crawford, Texas, for a 35-day
working vacation. This should go over big with all the people taking a can't-get-work vacation."
-- David Letterman

"The White House says that the vacation in Texas will give President Bush the chance to unwind. My question is, when does the guy wind?"
-- David Letterman

"President Bush's economic team is now on their jobs and growth bus tour all across America. I think the only job they created so far is for the guy driving the bus."
-- Jay Leno

"President Bush has refused to declassify portions of the
congressional 9/11 reports about the Saudis, because he says it will help the enemy. Not Al Qaeda, the Democrats."
-- Jay Leno

"The United States is putting together a Constitution now for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It's served us well for 200 years, and we don't appear to be using it anymore, so what the hell?"
-- Jay Leno