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09-04-2003, 05:08 AM
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#1 (permalink) |
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Transfer Agent
Location: NYC
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100 Reasons it great to be a guy....
100 REASONS IT GREAT TO BE A GUY:
1) Telephone conversations are over in 60 seconds or less. 2) Movie nudity is almost all female. 3) You know stuff about tanks. 4) A five day vacation requires only one suitcase. 5) Monday Night Football. 6) You don't have to monitor your friends' *ex lives. 7) Bathroom lines in public places are 80% shorter. 8) You can open all your own jars. 9) Friends don't give a *hit if you've gained or lost weight. 10) Dry cleaners and hair cutters won't rob you blind. 11) When flipping thru channels, you don't have to pause at every shot of someone crying. 12) Your *ss is never a factor at job interviews. 13) All your *rgasms are real. 14) A beer gut doesn't make you invisible to the opposite *ex. 15) Guys in hockey masks don't attack you (unless you slam 'em into the boards). 16) You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff everywhere you go. 17) You understand why "Stripes" is funny. 18) You can go to the bathroom without a support group. 19) Your last name stays put. 20) You can leave the hotel bed unmade. 21) When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you. 22) You can kill your own food. 23) The garage is all yours. 24) You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. 25) You see the humor in "Terms of Endearment". 26) Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow. 27) You never have to clean a bathroom. 28) You can be showered and ready to go in 10 minutes. 29) *ex means never having to worry about your reputation. 30) Wedding plans take care of themselves. 31) If someone forgets to invite you to something, they can still be your friend. 32) Your underwear is still $10 for a 3-pack. 33) The National College Cheerleading Championship. 34) You don't have to shave below your neck. 35) None of your co-workers has the power to make you cry. 36) You don't have to curl up to a hairy *ss every night. 37) If you're 44 and single, nobody even notices. 38) You can write your name in the snow. 39) You can get into a non-trivial pissing contest. 40) Everything on your face gets to stay its original color. 41) Chocolate is just another snack. 42) You can be President (in this lifetime). 43) You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat. 44) Flowers fix damn near everything. 45) You never have to worry about other people's feelings. 46) You get to think about *ex 90% of your waking hours. 47) You can wear a white shirt to a water park. 48) Three pairs of shoes is more than enough. 49) You can eat a banana in a hardware store. 50) You can say anything ("Wow, do my balls hurt!") and not have to worry what people will think. 51) Foreplay is optional. 52) Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe. 53) No one stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room. 54) You can whip off your shirt on a hot day. 55) You don't have to clean your house if the meter reader is coming by. 56) You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid. 57) Car mechanics tell you the truth. 58) You don't give a rat's *ss if someone notices your new haircut. 59) You can quietly watch a game with a buddy for hours without ever thinking 'he must be mad at me'. 60) The world is your urinal. 61) You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover's about to leave you. 62) You get to jump up and slap stuff. 63) Hot wax never comes near your pubic area. 64) One mood -- all the time! 65) You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him. 66) You never have to drive on to another service station because 'this one's too yucky'. 67) You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle. 68) You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you're wearing. 69) Same work..... more pay! 70) Grey hair and wrinkles only add more character. 71) You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment. 72) Wedding dress: $2000. Tuxedo rental: $75. 73) You don't care if someone's talking about you behind your back. 74) With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the earth's population in 15 tries -- at least in theory. 75) You don't have to mooch off other's desserts. 76) If you retain water, it's in a canteen. 77) The remote control is yours and yours alone. 78) People never stare at your chest when you are talking to them. 79) ESPN's Sports Center and ESPN II. 80) Bachelor parties kick *ss over bridal showers. 81) You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift. 82) You have a normal, healthy relationship with your mother. 83) You can buy *ondoms without the drug store clerk imagining you naked. 84) You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" when you're taking a *rap. 85) If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell another friend that you've changed. 86) Someday you'll be a dirty old man. 87) You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "ah, *uck it!" 88) If another guy turns up at a party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong buddies. 89) Princess Di's death was just another obituary. 90) You never have to miss a *exual opportunity just because you're not in the mood. 91) The occasional, well-rendered belch or *art is expected. 92) You never have to send out Christmas cards or thank-you notes. 93) If something mechanical doesn't work, you can just bash it with a hammer or throw it across the room. 94) New shoes don't cut, blister or mangle your feet. 95) Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind. 96) You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries. 97) Not liking a person doesn't preclude you from having *ex with them. 98) Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So... notice anything different?" 99) Baywatch (with the sound turned off). 100) There's always a game on somewhere.
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I've yet to dephile myself... |
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09-08-2003, 04:14 PM
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#17 (permalink) |
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Sarge of Blood Gulch Red Outpost Number One
Location: On the front lines against our very enemy
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Sweet.
__________________
"This ain't no Ice Cream Social!" "Hey Grif, Chupathingy...how bout that? I like it...got a ring to it." "I have no earthly idea what it is I just saw, or what this place is, or where in the hell O'Malley is! My only choice is to blame Grif for coming up with such a flawed plan. Stupid, stupid Grif." |
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| 100, great, guy, reasons |
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