ratbastid

But you heard about the scottish monks who went into business, right? I thought from the subject line this was going to be <i>that</i> one.

See, they grew these beautiful flowers in the courtyard of their cloister, and one clever entrepeneurial monk hit on the idea of opening a floral shop to sell these flowers.

Naturally, the faithful of the countryside shopped this floral shop exclusively, which irked the competitor florists no end. They ran specials on spyrea, put discounts on the daisies, and finally, after no amount of competitive marketing worked to curb the competition, they hired local bully Hugh McTaggart to go put the pinch on the monk's business.

McTaggart swaggared into the monk shop one afternoon, knocked over a few vases, and announced that the monks had better close up shop if they knew what was good for them. Which is exactly what the terrified monks did, and they stayed out of the flower game from then on.

Which proves the point: Only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

Lebell

That was cute

I'll have to remember that for my mom.

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"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." – C. S. Lewis

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forgotten_dream

*ROFL* I had forgotten that joke!! Good ol' Hugh...

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TSFM

Two puns, straight from everyone's favourite book: The Bathroom Book

A woman had twins, and gave them up for adoption. One of them went to a family in Egypt and was named Amahl. The other went to a family in Spain; they named him Juan. Years later, Juan sent a picture of himself to his mother. Upon receiving the picture, she told her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amahl. Her husband responded, "But they are twins--if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amahl."


Some friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise the funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the "men of God," the rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. He asked his mother to ask the friars to get out of business. They ignored her, too. So the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving:

(brace yourself)

Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.




EDIT: I can't spell, heh.

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PayUp

hevent heard those funny stuff

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Born to Lose.

DEI37

Those are good. That last one is pretty clever.

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Generally speaking, if you were to get what you really deserve, you might be unpleasantly surprised.

ssander9

very funny, thanks

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I never said you had to.

tenchi069

I like the last one.

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Brewmaniac

Puns are so phunny!

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Slims

hehe

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hawkeye

nice.

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TerresqueÜ

Good ones.

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slant eyes

didn't see the last one coming, good

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acpower

both are awesome

tfpfreak

Didnt expect that! thanks

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tinytim

Three friars were banished from their monastery for various rule
violations, so they decided to start a business together. They traveled
around until they found a town that they liked, and opened up a plant shop.
Their floral business was soon thriving.

One day, a woman was shopping at the friar's store, and while she was
strolling down an aisle with her toddler, a large plant reached out,
grabbed the child, and ate it. Needless to say, the women was quite upset
at the loss of her child. However, the friars refused to believe that one
of their plants could have done such a thing. The woman told all of her
friends about the incident, and soon everyone in the town was in an uproar.
They decided to kick the friars out of town. Every person in the town,
except for a man named Hugh, gathered outside of the friars shop, shouting,
waving sticks, and demanding that they leave. But the friars said "No.
We're not leaving". So the townspeople gave up and went home.

Well, a couple weeks later, another woman was walking through the friar's
shop, looking at plants with her baby, when a plant grabbed her child and
ate it. She ran through the streets screaming that a plant had swallowed
her baby. The townspeople were outraged, and again gathered outside the
floral shop (except for Hugh), waving torches, and demanding that the
friars leave town at once. But the friars said, "No way." and all the
people gave up and went home.

A few days later, yet another woman dared to take her child into the floral
shop. She held her infant tightly in her arms, but it was no use. A large
ficus wrestled the child from her arms, and ate it.

When the townspeople heard of this, they were extremely upset. They again
gathered outside the friar's store (except for Hugh), yelling and
threatening bodily harm to the friars if they didn't leave town. But the
friars said, "We're staying". So, the citizens gave up and began to go
home. Just then, Hugh showed up. He walked up to the friars, and said, "Get
out of town, now!". The friars immediately packed up all their belongings
and fled that very day, never to be heard from again.

The moral of this story is: Only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

archer2371

*groan*

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"Hey Grif, Chupathingy...how bout that? I like it...got a ring to it."

"I have no earthly idea what it is I just saw, or what this place is, or where in the hell O'Malley is! My only choice is to blame Grif for coming up with such a flawed plan. Stupid, stupid Grif."

Noob

*throws tomato*

Flippy

I really liked this one... does that make me weird?

Begora21

No, I liked it too ... tacky jokes crack me up just on their tackiness....