Glad-I-Ate-Her

"A number of Arabs say they do not believe Uday and Qusay are dead. They said they want more proof, so today we shot them again." —Jay Leno

You know what the reward is to capture Saddam. You don't even need to capture Saddam, just say where he is. It's $25 million. This is what I love about our priorities. We spend $25 million trying to get rid of Saddam Hussein. The Republicans spend $50 million trying to get rid of Gray Davis. It doesn't seem quite right." —Jay Leno

"As you know now, Saddam's son are now in Hell. Let's hope the rest of the family is reunited as soon as possible." —Jay Leno

They still have not set up the funeral arrangements yet for Uday and Qusay, but in lieu of flowers the White House has asked that contributions be made to the George Bush re-election campaign." —Jay Leno

The Arab world is speaking out about the deaths of Uday and Qusay. Saddam Hussein said it was an outrage. Bid Laden said it was a disgrace and former Iraqi information minister said 'I just had lunch with them an hour ago. They are looking fabulous. The boys are playing golf right now.'" —Jay Leno

"If you don't know anything about Uday and Qusay, these were bad guys. This is what they did all day, they watched pornos, they drank alcohol and they gambled. Which of course has got Congress all worried because they're going 'They can shoot you for that?'" —Jay Leno

"The good news coming out of Iraq. Yesterday, U.S. forces killed Saddam Hussein's sons Uday, Qusay, and the hot-tempered one, Sonny. ... Uday and Qusay were hiding in a villa owned by their cousin. They go to a cousins house and U.S. forces had to use machine guns, they had to use anti-tank missiles, they had to use attack helicopters. And I'm telling you, that's what it takes to get relatives out of your house." —David Letteman

With the bodies of Qusay and Uday officially identified attention turns now to the grieving process. ... Qusay and Uday were beloved by henchman and thug alike. Indeed the entire goon community is in mourning. I think it's fair to say there will be many electrodes tonight that will be flying at half-testicle." —Daily Show Baghdad bureau chief Samantha Bee

"The council's first official act was replacing several official Saddam-themed national holidays with a new one: April 9th, the day Baghdad fell. Iraqis can now look forward to next April's Baghdad Liberation Day sales, which will be advertised as having 'prices so low, it's almost like looting.'" —Jon Stewart, on the first session of the Iraqi Congress

"Earlier today Saddam Hussein's two sons were reportedly killed in a raid by U.S. forces. After hearing about it, Saddam said, 'That's not fair, I'm the one that's supposed to kill members of my family.'" —Conan O'Brien

"Earlier today U.S. special forces killed two men believed to be Saddam Hussein's sons. DNA tests confirmed the bodies are Qusay and Uday, and the father is Mick Jagger." —Craig Kilborn

"Earlier in the day, Pentagon reports surfaced saying there was an 80% chance it was Uday and Qusay. The only other person I've seen use that is weathermen. I thought, doesn't the Pentagon have to have a higher standard of accuracy than, say, Roker?" —Jon Stewart


Glad

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I'm "Glad I Ate Her" because the payback was worth it!!

Tiger69z

Lol funny =)

Especially liked that dave letterman one

JamesS

Letterman's always been my favorite, he gets a little wonky sometimes, though, with the 'Is This Anything?' style comedy.

Funny stuff all around.

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The tragedy of life is what dies inside a man while he lives.
-- Albert Schweitzer

Glad-I-Ate-Her

I used to like Letterman in the old days a lot better. I think he's gotten way to smug. Although he still comes up with really funny stuff every once and in while.

Glad

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I'm "Glad I Ate Her" because the payback was worth it!!

Fremen

Hehehe, that Mick Jagger gets around.
Thanks, Glad-I-Ate-Her, that was funny.

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