Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community  

Go Back   Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community > Interests > Tilted Humor


 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 08-07-2003, 06:56 PM   #1 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: Australia
Rules for Men *may offend*

Finally, the code!

Any Man who brings a camera to a buck's night may be legally killed and eaten by his mates.

Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

It is ok for a man to cry under the following Circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss' car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
e. When she is using her teeth

Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man.

In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional.

On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcopop drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel... and it's free.

Only in situations of Moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another bloke in the nuts.

Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both - that's just mean.

If you complement a bloke on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a Mate of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!

Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.

It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

Thou shalt not buy a car with an engine capacity of less than 1.5 litres.

Thou shall not really buy a car with less than 1.8 litres, 16 valves, and a turbo.

Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green,orange or sky blue.

The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets a Playstation 2. End of story.
__________________
Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.

Samuel Goldwyn
Tickford is offline  
Old 08-07-2003, 07:10 PM   #2 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: New York, NY
So many rules... It sure is tough being a guy.
cetacean is offline  
Old 08-07-2003, 09:11 PM   #3 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Yeah but if there was a womens list it would be 5 pages long lol
scoobydugan is offline  
Old 08-07-2003, 09:31 PM   #4 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Very funny Good post.
Jdermit101 is offline  
Old 08-07-2003, 10:24 PM   #5 (permalink)
These pretzels are making me thirsty!!
 
iktoweya's Avatar
 
Location: 105B
good stuff
__________________
i miss K-Wise
iktoweya is offline  
Old 08-07-2003, 10:40 PM   #6 (permalink)
Hiding Out
 
Repost...over...and over...and over again.


Still good for a laugh though :-)
__________________
Say yes to the 'Tilted Roleplaying' Forum

http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?s=&threadid=1932&highlight=petition
TerresqueÜ is offline  
Old 08-07-2003, 11:32 PM   #7 (permalink)
Crazy
 
haha, it wouldn't be 5 pages it would be this"

Make your friends smile, make your men cry.
BrinlyNoya is offline  
Old 08-08-2003, 12:12 AM   #8 (permalink)
Insane
 
The guys Bible . . . . read it, learn it . .
__________________
------------------------------------------------
Insert Witty Slogan Here . . . . .
snoop is offline  
Old 08-08-2003, 07:40 AM   #9 (permalink)
TIO
Addict
 
TIO's Avatar
 
Location: The Land Down Under
Well done, Tick! Always good stuff to have around. That's getting printed and stuck on my wall. Signiatures will be required before you are allowed to drink at my place
__________________
Strewth
TIO is offline  
Old 08-08-2003, 07:43 AM   #10 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: MS
Good one thanks alot
__________________
Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be.

~ Clementine Paddleford
tfpfreak is offline  
Old 08-08-2003, 01:56 PM   #11 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: cali
Quote:
The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets a Playstation 2. End of story.
she didn't agree with this, what should i do? is a public flogging neccessary?
__________________
no man or woman is worth your tears - and the one who is, won't make you cry

question authority, don't ask why, just do it!
slant eyes is offline  
Old 08-08-2003, 03:27 PM   #12 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: In an office with no windows
Quote:
Originally posted by scoobydugan
Yeah but if there was a womens list it would be 5 pages long lol
The special cases for each rule would be five pages long
BadForm is offline  
Old 08-08-2003, 04:12 PM   #13 (permalink)
Addict
 
funny
batm4n_23 is offline  
Old 08-08-2003, 04:57 PM   #14 (permalink)
DILLIGAF
 
PayUp's Avatar
 
Location: AZ
always great
__________________
Born to Lose.
PayUp is offline  
Old 08-08-2003, 08:29 PM   #15 (permalink)
Upright
 
too many rules
red_zinfandel8 is offline  
Old 08-09-2003, 08:25 AM   #16 (permalink)
Sexy eh?
 
Location: Sweden
Hehehe... nothing new. just never seen it in writing before.. good post!
__________________
Life is shit,
Death is even worse,
So what's the point of killing yourself?
/Ignatius Camryn Paladine
Regziever is offline  
 

Tags
men, offend, rules

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 06:22 AM.

Tilted Forum Project

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
© 2002-2012 Tilted Forum Project

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360