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Old 08-07-2003, 05:36 PM   #1 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: Australia
Vanilla Puddings

This is just too funny not to share. Excerpted from an article which
appeared in the Dublin Times about a bank robbery on March 2.

Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling
the
security system got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected to
find
one or two large safes filled with cash & valuables, were surprised to
see
hundreds of smaller safes throughout the bank. The robbers cracked the
first
safe's combination, and inside they found only a small bowl of vanilla
pudding. As recorded on the bank's audio tape system, one robber
said, "At least we'll have a bit to eat." The robbers opened up a second
safe, and it also contained nothing but vanilla pudding. The process
continued until all safes were opened. They did not find one pound
sterling,
a diamond, or an ounce of gold. Instead, all the safes contained covered
bowls of pudding. Disappointed, the robbers made a quiet exit, each
leaving
with nothing more than a queasy, uncomfortably full stomach.

The newspaper headline read:
IRELAND'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING...
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Old 08-07-2003, 05:41 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Oh god that's gross.....ewwww! But that was funny! Once again stupid people showing off
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Old 08-07-2003, 06:13 PM   #3 (permalink)
DILLIGAF
 
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Location: AZ
thats fucking classic
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Old 08-07-2003, 06:14 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Location: In an office with no windows
I doubt that is really true but quite funny nonetheless.

Off to snopes.com now...
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Old 08-08-2003, 03:37 AM   #5 (permalink)
Squid
 
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Location: USS George Washington
Don't bother.

Sperm samples would be stored in a freezer at -196 C, (-328 F), not a safe.

-Mikey
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Old 08-08-2003, 03:59 AM   #6 (permalink)
Psycho
 
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Location: State of confusion...wait that's medication.
Oh yuuucccckkk.....man thats just not right. Why you wanna go and put a bad taste in my mouth?
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Old 08-08-2003, 07:53 AM   #7 (permalink)
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OH MY GOD that is disgusting! Stupid criminals kill me
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Old 08-08-2003, 07:59 AM   #8 (permalink)
Squid
 
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Location: USS George Washington
Oh fine... here it is.

http://www.snopes.com/humor/jokes/sperm.htm

Quote:
Joke: Thieves mistakenly break into sperm bank and consume 'vanilla pudding' they find there.
Example: [Collected on the Internet, 1999]


This is just too funny not to share. Excerpted from an article which appeared in the Dublin Times about a bank robbery on March 2, 1999.
Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling the internal security system got underway immediately.

The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash and valuables, were surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes scattered throughout the bank. The robbers cracked the first safe's combination, and inside they found only a bowl of vanilla pudding.

As recorded on the bank's audio tape system, one robber said, "At least we'll have a bit to eat." The robbers opened up a second safe, and it also contained nothing but vanilla pudding. The process continued until all the safes were opened.

They found not one pound sterling, a diamond, or an ounce of gold. Instead, all the safes contained covered bowls of pudding.

Disappointed, the robbers made a quiet exit, each leaving with nothing more than a queasy, uncomfortably full stomach.

The newspaper headline read:

IRELAND'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING.

Origins: Duh.
No, this didn't run in the Dublin Times, nor is it a real news story. This is simply a "dumb crooks" joke that plays on the duality of the word 'bank' being used to describe both a financial institution and a place where donated sperm is kept. It has been circulating on the Internet since at least late 1998, originally in a more generic version:


Some gangsters were thinking of robbing a bank. They thought of the best plan that could be made and started to work.
A day or two later they are able to get into the bank and found hundreds of safes. They opened the first safe, but the only thing they found in there was a vanilla pudding. The head gangster says, "Well, at least we can eat it." So they ate the pudding.

They opened up the second safe, but again there was just another pudding. They decided to devoured it, too. This process went on for the rest of the day, until all the safes were opened. There was no money or jewelry in any of them. "Well," they said, "at least there was something for us to eat."

The next day on the news, they heard, "Yesterday the biggest sperm bank in the USA was robbed . . ."

The joke soon mutated into versions featuring robbers belonging to groups typically used as the butts of jokes (e.g., blonde robbers, Irish robbers); the Irish version caught on, and the apocryphal "Dublin Times" citation was added later.

Sperm banks and "real" banks have little in common other than their mutual use of the word 'bank.' Although sperm banks may keep their deposits in locked containers for security and privacy reasons, those containers in no way resemble the vaults or safes used to protect more conventional valuables such as currency. Sperm samples also have to be maintained in refrigerated containers -- it would be a very dim crook indeed who didn't wonder why cash was being kept cold (or, more implausibly, why 'vanilla pudding' was being kept locked away). Sperm also isn't stored in "covered bowls" (or anything resembling bowls) but in individual test tube-like containers. And I have it on good authority that it's nothing like vanilla pudding, either in taste or in consistency.

Last updated: 30 January 2000


-Mikey
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Old 08-08-2003, 08:15 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Location: Memphis
Gotta love Snopes.com
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Old 08-08-2003, 08:32 AM   #10 (permalink)
These pretzels are making me thirsty!!
 
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Location: 105B
im disgusted and yet still humored good one
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Old 08-08-2003, 11:55 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Hee hee hee, I love dumb criminals.
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Old 08-08-2003, 03:27 PM   #12 (permalink)
Sky Piercer
 
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Location: Ireland
Why do people have to ruin jokes by claiming they're true!?

OF COURSE its not fucking true!

Still, good joke though!
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Old 08-08-2003, 10:02 PM   #13 (permalink)
back from sabbatical
 
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Location: Mosptopia
Wow. true or not, that's gonna stick in my head for an uncomfortably long time...
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Old 08-09-2003, 12:03 AM   #14 (permalink)
Upright
 
wow... how stupid can you be... those would have to be some TINY ass bowls of pudding
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Old 08-09-2003, 08:09 AM   #15 (permalink)
Sexy eh?
 
Location: Sweden
Hehehe.. gross but funny! good post!
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