Post your Lightbulb jokes here
 

I figure this is a good place to deposit all the variations on the How many... Lightbulb jokes.
Here's one to start off the list. I can't remember where I found it, but reading through it always cracks my shit up.


Q: How many psychologist internet mail list subscribers does it take to
change a light bulb?

A: 1,332
1 to change the light bulb and to post to the mail
list that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light
bulbs and how the light bulb could have been
changed differently.
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
28 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about
changing light bulbs.
53 to flame the spell checkers
156 to write to the list administrator complaining about
the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness
to this mail list.
41 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames.
109 to post that this list is not about light bulbs and
to please take this email exchange to alt.lite.bulb
203 to demand that cross posting to alt.grammar,
alt.spelling and alt.punctuation about changing
light bulbs be stopped.
111 to defend the posting to this list saying that we
all use light bulbs and therefore the posts
**are** relevant to this mail list.
306 to debate which method of changing light
bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs,
what brand of light bulbs work best for this
technique, and what brands are faulty.
27 to post URLs where one can see examples of
different light bulbs
14 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly, and
to post corrected URLs.
3 to post about links they found from the URLs that
are relevant to this list which makes light bulbs
relevant to this list.
33 to concatenate all posts to date, then quote
them including all headers and footers, and then
add "Me Too."
12 to post to the list that they are unsubscribing
because they cannot handle the light bulb
controversey.
19 to quote the "Me Too's" to say, "Me Three."
4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ.
1 to propose new alt.change.lite.bulb newsgroup.
47 to say this is just what alt.physic.cold_fusion
was meant for, leave it here.
143 votes for alt.lite.bulb.

hhaha...

this one is from "Boondock Saints" an awesome movie, I highly suggest you check it out. Those joke is best told with an irish accent.

Q: how many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 2 one to do and a wee little one to BLOW ME!

These are ones I heard from a freind of mine while sitting in English class

Q: how many lesbians does it take to change a light blub?
A: 3, one to do it, one to write a book about it, and one to write a crappy folk song that is based on the book about the lesbian that changed the lightbulb without any help from a MAN.

Q: how many punks does it take to change a light bulb?
A:25, one to do it, 2 to talk about how "punk rock" changing a light bulb is, and 22 to call the other three "fucking posers"

how many gays does it take to screw in a lite-bulb?







2--one to twist it in, one to provide the anal cavity

How many programers does it take to change a lightbulb?


10. One to change the lightbulb and one to hold the ladder.

How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?




2, but don't ask me how they got in there...

Stolen from "A Bug's Life":

Q: How many cockroaches does it take to change a lightbulg?
A: When the light goes on they all run away, so we'll never know.

(or sumthin like that.)

How many dyslexics does it take to change a lit blub?

Q: How many Vietnam Veterans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: You weren't there! You wouldn't understand!

Q: How many sorority sisters does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Seven: One to do it, one to hold the Diet Pepsi, and 5 to make the T-shirts.

Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Potato.

Q: How many Guns n' Roses band members does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Fuck you. Suck my fuckin' dick.

-Mikey

How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One, but the light bulb has really got to want to change.

How many microsoft engineers does it take to change a light bulb?


None. They just change the standard to Darkness.

Q. How many customer service staff does it take to change a lightbulb?

A. Have you tried turning it off and back on again?

Q. how many chipmunks does it take to screw in a lightbulb

A. just two, but you need a pretty big lightbulb, or very small chipmunks.

Q. How many Saiyans does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Just one but it takes 7 episodes

(You might not get it if you don't watch DBZ ;))

Q. How many witches does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Just one, but she changes it into a frog.

How many women does it take to change a light bulb?


None, they'd just rather sit in the dark and bitch about it until the man gets up and finally does it to shut her up.


How many trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. He holds it up and the world revolves around him.
(You have to know trumpet players to really get that one.)

How many Sorority sisters does it take to change a lightbulb?

16. One to change the lightbulb, and 15 to clap and sing.

How many Fraternity brothers does it take to change a lightbulb?

6. One to hold the lightbulb and five to chug beer until the room spins.

how many country singers does it take to change a light bulb?

15. One to hold the ladder, one to screw in the bulb, and 13 to write songs about how good the old one was.

how many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
answer 1: fish!

answer 2: four. One to paint the giraffe purple and three to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine parts.

I've resisted but can resist no more...

How many male chauvanists does it take to change a lightbulb?

NONE! Let the bitch cook in the dark.

Q. How many tuba players?
A. 4. 1 to change the bulb and 3 to complain about how high it is.


Q. How many menopausal women.
A. 2................ IT JUST DOES!!!!!!!!!!!

How many narcissists?

One to hold the light bulb while the world revolves around him.

ones ive heard at church

Q:How many baptists does it take to change a lightbulb??
A:Let's form a comitteee and find out

Q:How many methodists does it take to change a lightbulb??
A: CHANGE?!?! what do you mean change??? we've had that lightbulb for 15 years!!!!

Q:How many pentacostals does it take to change a lightbulb??
A:10 one to change the bulb and the other nine to cast the darkness out

The difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew the lightbulb!

How many perverts does it take to put in a light bulb?



Just one, but it'll take half the emergency room staff to remove it.

Q: How many Green party voters does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Dude, we shouldn't have to change lightbulbs. GE has this secret lab in Costa Rica, and they made a lightbulb out of hemp that totally lasts forever.

Or:

Q: How many Wall Street Journal editorial page writers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: There they go again. When will they ever learn? A broken light bulb cannot be “changed” through the discredited feel-good liberal policies of the past. It certainly cannot be negotiated with. A broken lightbulb can only be smashed, smashed so thoroughly that it can never rise again to threaten us with darkness.

Q: How many lightbulbs does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: One.

How many goth girls ...

5, one to do it, the other 4 to tell her how goth she is for doing it

How many Union Electricians?



5 You have a problem with that!!!

Little boys on the playgroud "My Daddy is so tough!..."

My daddy can eat lightbulbs!

How do you know that?
Well, last night I heard him tell my momma to turn out the light and he would eat it!

how many ADD kids does it take to screwin a light bulb?

....Hey,lets's go play baseball!

hahahah!!! a winner

How many forum members does it take to change a lightbulb?

--------------------

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

1 to move it to the Lighting section.

2 to argue then move it to the Electricals section.

7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.

5 to flame the spell checkers.

3 to correct spelling/grammar flames.

6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb"... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid.

2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp."

15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct.

19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum.

11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use lightbulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum.

36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty.

7 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs.

4 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URLs.

3 to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group.

13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too."

5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy.

4 to say "Didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"

13 to say "SEARCH!"

1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.

Q. How many indie rockers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A. What you don't know?


Q How many activists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A. Come on, we all know activists don't change anything.

Q. How many Lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

A. 5: One to change the bulb, two to discuss the violation of the socket, and two to secretly wish they were the socket.

how many tech supporters does it take to change a light bulb?
2: one always leaves halfway through

how many people with alzheimers does it take to change a light bulb?
to get to the other side!

How many stoners does it take to change a lightbulb?

5....one to load the bowl, 3 to smoke it, and 1 to turn on the cartoons so they call all forget to do it.

Yeah it's old, but it's an aggie joke!

How many Aggie's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

3-

-1 to stand on a chair and hold the bulb
-2 to turn the chair

whats the differance between a lightbulb and a pergnant woman?
....
you can unscrew a lightbulb...

....
how many mice dose it take to screw in a lightbulb?
....
two mice...but geting them inside the lightbulb is the hard part
....
how dose my exwife change a lightbulb?
....
she puts the bulb in the socket and waits for the world to revolve aroud her..