Glad-I-Ate-Her

News Anchor Dan Rather, The Reverend Jesse Jackson, NPR Reporter Cokie Roberts, and an American Special Forces soldier were hiking through the jungle one day when they were captured by cannibals. They were tied up, led to the village and brought before the chief.

The chief said, "I am familiar with your western custom of granting the condemned a last wish. Before we kill and eat you, do you have any last requests?"

Dan Rather said, "Well, I'm a Texan; so I'd like one last bowlful of hot, spicy chili." The chief nodded to an underling, who left and returned with the chili. Rather ate it all and said, "Now I can die content."

Jesse Jackson said, "You know, the thing in this life I am proudest of is my work on behalf of the poor and oppressed. So before I go, I want to sing "We Shall Overcome" one last time." The chief said, "Go right ahead, we're listening." Jackson sang the song, and then said, "Now I can die in peace."

Cokie Roberts said, "I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen. Maybe someday someone will hear it and know that I was
on the job til the end." The chief directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder, and Roberts dictated some comments. She then said, "Now I can die happy."

The chief turned and said, "And now, Mr. Special Forces soldier, what is your final wish?" "Kick me in the ass," said the Green Beret. "What?" said the chief. "Will you mock us in your last hour?"

"No, I'm not kidding. I want you to kick me in the ass," insisted the green beret.

So the chief shoved him into the open, and kicked him in the ass. The Green Beret went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9mm pistol from his waistband, and shot the chief dead. In the
resulting confusion, he leapt to his knapsack, pulled out his M4 carbine, and sprayed the cannibals with gunfire. In a flash, the cannibals were dead or fleeing for their lives.

As the Special Forces soldier was untying the others, they asked him, "Why didn't you just shoot them? Why did you ask them to kick you in the ass?"

"What!?" said the Green Beret, "And have you assholes call ME the aggressor?!?"




How true!
Glad

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I'm "Glad I Ate Her" because the payback was worth it!!

PayUp

funny, true about the last part

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Born to Lose.

Jakejake

Haha! Great

hawkeye

Damn. That's good.

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You're not fat,
You're just a giant ball
of love, covered in anger.

mjby2

Sad but true.

Pellaz

Funny, relevent, and true-the best type of joke. Good work!

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" ' Big Mouth.
Remember it took three of you to kill me.
A god, a boy, and, last and least, a hero.' "

bravo49

Last part, the best part

Stare At The Sun

That is really quite good, , nicely done sir

egorey

A little too close to true... Thanks...

Regziever

Hehe good one! True too..

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Life is shit,
Death is even worse,
So what's the point of killing yourself?
/Ignatius Camryn Paladine