I'd____ that like ______.
 

A while back, a fellow TFPer and I were watching a movie that featured a particularly attractive actress. A comment was made and, as is often the case, a friendly competition developed as to who could one-up the other’s one-liner. Creativity was the goal with bonus points given for nerdish references. The basic template was as follows:

“I’d air burst all over her face like the Tunguska Event”.
“I’d ravage her South like my name was William Tecumseh Sherman”.
“I’d split her like my name was Ernest Rutherford”.
“I’d erupt south of her equator like Krakatoa”.

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Think you can do better? Prove it. Ladies, feel free to swap out the genders and play along.

I'd sift her thistle like a thistle sifter.
I'd practice my oral sensitivity on her like King George VI.
I'd have her tongue doing things it never thought possible like a speech therapist.

Sorry, I just watched The King's Speech.

I'd "knives and stabbing weapons" that like a T-1000.