uncle phil

It was entertainment night at the Senior Center. Carl, the hypnotist, exclaimed: “I'm here to put you all into a trance - I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience.”

The excitement was almost electric as Carl withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat.

The polished metal gleamed in the light.

Carl, the hypnotist, said: “I want you each to keep your eyes on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations.”

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, “Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch.”

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light shimmering off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, shattering into a hundred pieces.

'SHIT!' said the Hypnotist.

It took 3 days to clean up the Senior Center...

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"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
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"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
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never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

bagatelle

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Moyaboy

Great! Very funny.

Sent from my T-Mobile myTouch 3G using Tapatalk

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"With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion."
- Steven Weinberg

flat5

Took me a second. Good one.

fill23ca

Very funny!

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"The worst day of your life, so far." Homer Simpson