uncle phil

A farmer stopped by the local mechanics shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware Store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, 'Can you tell me how to get to 1603Mockingbird Lane ?'

The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot.'

The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?'

'Why thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

On the way he says 'Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time.'

The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, 'I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?'

The farmer said, 'Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?'

The old lady replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens..'

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"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
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"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
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never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

Xerxys

Ow, I have a stomach ache and it hurt laughing at this ...

Plan9

Good one, Phil. Totally gnarly.

I can't wait 'til I get old. Less games.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

SirLance

Oldie but a goodie. He asked!

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DEMOCRACY is where your vote counts, FEUDALISM is where your count votes.

Shadowex3

I look forward to eventually being old enough that instead of being considered a jackass I'll just be wise and somewhat "crotchety".

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tasineah

I am happily a crone....

cdwonderful

hey, I am old and I never heard it.....

and its funny too....




as if....

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Never try to teach a pig to whistle
it wastes your time,
and annoys the pig.....

mordret

Good one ! Thanks !

sweet release

lol that's great!

thanks for the laugh

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These Stories don't mean anything if you've got no-one to tell them to.


I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you, it's hard to find release and people can be so cold.

Iliftrocks

I learned something new today.

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bill hicks - "I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out."