How to shower...
 

How to Shower Like a Woman

1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror make mental note to do more sit-ups.

4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone.

5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage

6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.

8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

10. Complain because your husband had been eating your gingernut and jaffa cake body wash.

11. Rinse conditioner off hair.

12. Shave armpits and legs.

13. Turn off shower.

14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.

15. Get out of shower onto a floor towel. Dry with a towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

16. Hang floor towel on side of tub.

17. Check entire body for zits, tweeze unwanted hairs.

18. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

19. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.


How To Shower Like a Man

1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.

3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt.

4. Get in the shower.

5. Wash your face.

6. Wash your armpits.

7. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower.

9. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

10. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

11. Shampoo your hair.

12. Taste your wife's ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

13. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.

14. Pee.

15. Rinse off and get out of shower. (What's a floor towel?)

16. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

17. Admire wiener size in mirror again.

18. Leave shower curtain open, water on floor, light and fan on.

19. Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.

20. Throw wet towel on bed.

i just love the shaking of the weiner and making the 'woo-woo' sound :) probably my favorite parts*grin*

very good. Quite close to my showering escapades as well :o

lol, great, some seem to be a little too accurate though.... (looks around)

Haha, "woo-woo".

My last girlfriend would get so pissed at me for not using a floor towel and/or getting water everywhere.

Yup, pretty much acurate.

Woo-Woo!!!!!

pretty accurate except the sound i make is a little more like a rough Uh Uh, with some pelvic thrusts...

I don't get it...shouldn't this be in Tilted How-to, or Tilted Advise. I mean, I don't see the pnchline here. Isn't that how <b>everyone</b> showers?

That is really funny. I hate when my husband does number 7 that just drives me crazy.

Re: How to shower...
 

That's me in a nutshell. The whole list is hilarious!

still a very good one. thanks

Hahahahahahahahahahahaha that's a new one to me, but yeah it's pretty accurate :)

It can't be that obvious, can it? Especially the weiner part :rolleyes: .

true. i didnt think guys would have so many things that they do, i know i dont do 20 things in shower.

lol Woo Woo! Made me laugh pretty good actually!

that's great

the stuck hairs drive her crazy every time.

that was really funny, really enjoyed that:D:D

Jafa Cakes are good...

I have to agree that it is pretty much true... though not for every man. But I've had some crappy male roommates.. and I'd agree with the shower. I hated picking up their clothes and tossing them into their freakin' room. bastards.

hahahahahaha i laughed pretty hard with this one! but its scary... it's so true

hahahahaha :D that was so fucking great

Glad to find out I'm not the only one who still makes shampoo mohawks.

HAHAHAH That was freaking great!

hehe

:D Good stuff

'woo woo'

A+ effort, that was funny. (Though I pee first)

good except for the peeing in the shower bit O_O