Italian Honeymoon - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

uncle phil · 06-27-2010, 04:06 AM

After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride, Virginia, Luigi stopped by his old barbershop in Jersey to say hello to his friends.
Giovanni said, "Hey Luigi, how wasa da treep?"

Luigi said, "Everyting wasa perfecto except for da train ride down."

"Whata you mean, Luigi?" asked Giovanni.

"Well, we boarda da train at Grana Central Station. My beautiful Virginia, she pack a biga basket a food. She broughta da vino, some nice cigars for me, and we were lookina forward to da trip, and open upa da luncha basket.

“The conductore come aby, waga his finger at us anda say, 'No eat indisa car. Musta use a dining car.'

“So, me and my beautiful Virginia, we go to da dining car, eat a biga lunch and starta ta open da bottle of a nice a vino!

“Conductore walka by again, waga his finger and say, 'No drinka in disa car! Musta use a cluba car.' So, we go to cluba car.

“While a drinkina da vino, I starta to lighta my biga cigar. The conductore, he waga is finger again and say, 'No a smokina disa car. Musta go to a smokina car.'

"We go to a smokina car and I smoke a my biga cigar.

“Then my beautiful Virginia and I, we go to a sleeper car anda go to bed. We just about to go boombada boombada and the conductore, he walka through da hallway shouting at a top of his a voice, 'Nofolka Virginia! Nofolka Virginia!'

"Nexta time, I'ma just gonna taka da bus."

Xerxys · 06-27-2010, 08:58 AM

lol ....

I'm feeling charitable today ...

It is for reasons like this that I know for sure that many innuendos that exist were not, in fact, accidental, but intended punning.

Sedge · 06-27-2010, 10:02 AM

Well, there were also three Itlalian nuns from Luigi's church that did take the bus. Unfortunately, the bus had a terrible accident, and all three died. All three had been very good nuns, so when they met St. Peter at Heaven's Gate, he made each an offer: "Sisters, you have been so good, I'm going to let each of you choose a personality back on Earth and let you live her life for a day. Anyone you choose, and you don't have to be good."
So, the first nun said, "Oh, I wanna to be Gina Lollobrigida...she's a so sexy". And poof, off she went to be Gina.
The second nun said, "Ah, I wanna to be a Sophia Loren...she's a so beautiful". And poof, off she went.
The third nun said, "OK...I wanna to be a Virginia Pippalina."
St. Peter looked puzzled. Sister, we all know who Gina and Sophia are...who is this Virginia Pippalina?"
The sister held up a newspaper she brought along with the headline: "500 Men Lay Virginia Pipeline in 24 Hours"

uncle phil · 06-27-2010, 01:23 PM

i remember that one from many years ago...still good...

06-27-2010, 04:06 AM	#1 (permalink)
uncle phil comfortably numb... Super Moderator Location: upstate	Italian Honeymoon After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride, Virginia, Luigi stopped by his old barbershop in Jersey to say hello to his friends. Giovanni said, "Hey Luigi, how wasa da treep?" Luigi said, "Everyting wasa perfecto except for da train ride down." "Whata you mean, Luigi?" asked Giovanni. "Well, we boarda da train at Grana Central Station. My beautiful Virginia, she pack a biga basket a food. She broughta da vino, some nice cigars for me, and we were lookina forward to da trip, and open upa da luncha basket. “The conductore come aby, waga his finger at us anda say, 'No eat indisa car. Musta use a dining car.' “So, me and my beautiful Virginia, we go to da dining car, eat a biga lunch and starta ta open da bottle of a nice a vino! “Conductore walka by again, waga his finger and say, 'No drinka in disa car! Musta use a cluba car.' So, we go to cluba car. “While a drinkina da vino, I starta to lighta my biga cigar. The conductore, he waga is finger again and say, 'No a smokina disa car. Musta go to a smokina car.' "We go to a smokina car and I smoke a my biga cigar. “Then my beautiful Virginia and I, we go to a sleeper car anda go to bed. We just about to go boombada boombada and the conductore, he walka through da hallway shouting at a top of his a voice, 'Nofolka Virginia! Nofolka Virginia!' "Nexta time, I'ma just gonna taka da bus." __________________ "We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done." - Robert S. McNamara ----------------------------------------- "We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches... We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles." - Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message" ----------------------------------------- never wrestle with a pig. you both get dirty; the pig likes it.

06-27-2010, 10:02 AM	#3 (permalink)
Sedge Upright Location: Mississippi Gulf Coast	Well, there were also three Itlalian nuns from Luigi's church that did take the bus. Unfortunately, the bus had a terrible accident, and all three died. All three had been very good nuns, so when they met St. Peter at Heaven's Gate, he made each an offer: "Sisters, you have been so good, I'm going to let each of you choose a personality back on Earth and let you live her life for a day. Anyone you choose, and you don't have to be good." So, the first nun said, "Oh, I wanna to be Gina Lollobrigida...she's a so sexy". And poof, off she went to be Gina. The second nun said, "Ah, I wanna to be a Sophia Loren...she's a so beautiful". And poof, off she went. The third nun said, "OK...I wanna to be a Virginia Pippalina." St. Peter looked puzzled. Sister, we all know who Gina and Sophia are...who is this Virginia Pippalina?" The sister held up a newspaper she brought along with the headline: "500 Men Lay Virginia Pipeline in 24 Hours" __________________ "I like children. Girl children, about 18 or 20." -W.C. Fields

06-27-2010, 01:23 PM	#4 (permalink)
uncle phil comfortably numb... Super Moderator Location: upstate	i remember that one from many years ago...still good... __________________ "We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done." - Robert S. McNamara ----------------------------------------- "We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches... We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles." - Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message" ----------------------------------------- never wrestle with a pig. you both get dirty; the pig likes it.

06-27-2010, 08:58 AM	#2 (permalink)
Xerxys Junkie Location: My head.	lol .... I'm feeling charitable today ... It is for reasons like this that I know for sure that many innuendos that exist were not, in fact, accidental, but intended punning.