Women's English
 

Yes" = No

"No" = Yes

"Maybe" = No

"I'm sorry" = You'll be sorry

"We need" = I want

"It's your decision" = The correct decision should be obvious by now

"Sure... go ahead" = I don't want you to

"I'm not upset" = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

"We need to talk" = I need to complain

"You're certainly attentive tonight" = Is sex all you ever think about?

"Be romantic, turn out the lights" = I have flabby thighs

"This kitchen is so inconvenient" = I want a new house

"I want new curtains" = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper...

"I heard a noise" = I noticed you were almost asleep

"Do you love me?" = I'm going to ask for something expensive

"How much do you love me?" = I did something today you're really not going to like

"I'll be ready in a minute" = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.

"Is my butt fat?" = Lie to me

"You have to learn to communicate" = Just agree with me

"Are you listening to me!?" = [Too late, you're dead]

"Do what you want." = You'll pay for this later

I wish I had this years ago!

Must... refrain... from... ugh... must... not... GAHD.

*leaves thread*

Is this one of those "it's funny because it's true" or is it "not funny because it's true"?

I was just trying to poke fun at my posts from 2007.

...

Although, the one like "oh, he's just one of my friends" = "you're being replaced as we speak" needs to be mentioned.

QFT

You know the worst part about it? I tried to play Modern Mature Man about it both times. Fuck that noise.

Third time's a charm, right? "Oh, he's just a friend." "That's cool. You can go live with him. Pack your stuff."

...

Wow... I didn't mean to get all MY FEELINGS'D! in this thread. Sorry, Uncle Phil.

...

I should do the Man's English thread now.

"I'm listening." = "I'm scrambling to remember what you just said and respond intelligently. I was daydreaming about cars, boobs, or sizzling red meat."

I do that one all the time.

been there, done that, cromp...

doncha just hate it?

Finding the truth via instant messaging logs is far more poignant.

Wow, I need a stiff drink after reading this thread.

It's a mystery as to why I'm not an alcoholic.

Canadians have better coping mechanisms?

No. I just like to suffer in my own way. Why would I want to drown my sorrows when I can go all Alice in Wonderland with them?

I can't believe I've gone this long without treatment. I keep swallowing stuff down into my rabbit hole.

I'm afraid I'm going to become as mad as a fucking hatter.

You don't need treatment, damaged goods guy. You need a solid system shock. Put things in perspective. Do something new, be someone different.

What's that one bumper sticker? HARLEY-DAVIDSON: Because you never see a motorcycle parked in front of a shrink's office.

I hope you intended the bumper sticker as metaphor because I can't even afford a bicycle. Though I do already have one. Do people lock bicycles up in front of shinks' offices?

But I hear you. I may have said "treatment," but if I wanted docs & drugs, I'd have done that by now, especially since I get get that stuff for free. I can see what you mean by system shock. I've thought of that many times; I just don't know what form that would take. I live in a turtle shell.