uncle phil

A lady who had been married for several years was growing more and more frustrated at her husband's lack of interest in sex. She wondered about ways to add some pizzazz to their sexual relationship, and finally decided to purchase some crotchless underwear she had seen in a lingerie shop.

One evening when she was feeling particularly desirous, and he was, as usual, watching television, she took a shower, freshened up, and donned the crotchless undies, and a slinky negligee. She then strolled between her husband and the television, suggestively tossed one leg up on his chair arm.

'Want some of this?' she purred.

'Are you kidding?' he replied. 'Look what it did to your underwear.'

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"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
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"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
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never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

purplelirpa

haha! very nice. Reminds me of something I heard once from my granny. She said that one of her friends decided to wear some short shorts one day. She was walking near a man doing some sort of road construction and he yelled at her, "You know, if you'd feed that thing once in a while, it wouldn't try to eat your shorts!"

Iliftrocks

Ow, you hurt my gizzard with that one

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bill hicks - "I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out."