Something to Offend EVERYONE...
 

I'm not going to discriminate:

What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag.

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.

What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?
One US leader.

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts.

Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

Define "Egghead:"
What Mrs. Dumpty gives to Humpty

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs.

What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes.

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.

What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? "
Are you sure it's mine?"

What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
Everyone has the same DNA.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.

Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."

Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesdays & Thursdays, the Sex Ed class uses it.

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.

What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna be-leed dis shit...."

I laughed out loud at many of them. Mind if I add one more?

What does a jet pilot use for birth control?

His personality.

hilarious Jadzia!

Thanks for posting 'em!

Love 'em! thanx

love the southern ones. Ya'll aint gonna beleed dis, i wuz at da zoo and i found da reca piece for that panda we ordered from dat home shoppin klub we'l fire dat up after you graduate 5th grade from your sexdrivined clas. ya'll gather round its gonna be a hootinany

The sweet old lady cracked me up

Didn't offend one little bit, in fact very good

haha !!! funny stuff.

very good ones . thanks

Some great, if horrible, jokes.... :)

All great jokes, especially the men/women ones!

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.




the BEST. ONE. EVER.

lol hilarious.. thx for sharing :D

My favorite was the one comparing BMW's to Porcupines... Very stereotypical, but still funny.

dirt bag, Lewinsky, air, Mace . . . etc. - Great Stuff, it sure brightens up a day. Thanks for sharing, can't help but staring.

The last one was the best. You need to put a mum joke in there somewhere. They always offend people. My friends and I have a running mum joke. We all are going to open a brothel. Our mothers are going to work there. We will call it "Cum to Mumma". But they need time off right? So we get a whole heap of black amputee dwarves in to replace them on tuesdays. As a result we can have a special "Black Stump Tuesday".

hah

Funny stuff, thanks.

I'm sorry, I tried to be offended but it just didn't work. They were funny though, if that's any consolation.

Pretty good. Thanks!

As always Jadzi, love ya for more then just yer tits, thanks for makin' my time at work just a little more entertaining.

great great :D WEEEEEEE

the difference between a Porsche and a porcupine?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside......

very funny post thanks

Great stuff! Laughed out loud.

That was great!

I heard some before but there were still funny, oh and that last one is the funniest.

thanks...a funny and noble effort to cover the waterfront, although ethnic groups missed out, except for Jews...do a part II maybe?

Some i have heard alot i haven't , I laffed out loud

I laughed I cried, I feel asleep in a puddle of my own tears.

Many good ones, but I am upset. I have not been offended yet.

What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes.

That one took me a second...then I almost snorted soda through my nose in the middle of class....

GREAT POST!!!

BRILL.............................

Awesome. Thats teh funnay alright. :)