uncle phil

Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my
husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion: 'If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds'

Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts. ' How long will this take?' I asked.

' They will grow larger over a period of years,' my husband replies.

I stopped. 'Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my
breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?'

Without missing a beat he says 'Worked for your backside, didn't it?'

He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk again
although he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw.

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"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
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"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
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never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

Kahn

I laughed so loud, I scared the cat and pissed off the wife .... she didn't seem to get the "joke" either

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Attention everyone: We have another potential asshole in the area !

You don't have bad luck, the reason bad things happen to you is because you're a dumbass !!

Dinner $50
Drinks $30
Motel $40

Finding out she swallows -
PRICELESS!!!

Xerxys

Superb!!

Plan9

Haven't heard that one for a while. Makes me grin every time.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

genuinegirly

That's hilarious! Though I imagine I wouldn't want it said to me =p

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"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

blahblah454

Hey thats a good one! And for the record small boobies for the win!