uncle phil

A couple had only been married for two weeks and the husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.

So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back."

"Where are you going, Coochee Coo?" asked the wife.

"I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face," he answered. “I'm going to have a beer."

The wife said, "You want a beer, My Love?" She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.

The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, Lollipop...but at the bar...you know...they have frozen glasses..."

He didn't get to finish the sentence because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?" She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just from holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious. I won't be long. I'll be right back, I promise. OK?"

"You want hors d'oeuvres, my Munchkin Love?" She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres; chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, and little quiches.

"But My Sweet Honey, at the bar you know there's swearing, dirty words and all that..."

"You want dirty words, Cutie Pie?

LISTEN UP, CHICKEN SHIT ! SIT YOUR SORRY ASS DOWN, SHUT UP, DRINK YOUR BEER IN YOUR FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR HORS D'OEUVRES BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED ASS ISN'T GOING TO ANY DAMN BAR ! THAT SHIT IS OVER. GOT IT ?"

and.....they lived happily ever after.

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"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
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"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
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never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

Nisses

I was expecting "and that's when the fight started"

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Moderation should be moderately moderated.

Shell

...thank you for the laugh, "puppyface"

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..."Say what you think. Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind" ~ Dr. Seuss

SSJTWIZTA

poor guy

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First they came for the Jews and I did not speak out because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for the communists and I did not speak out because I was not a communist.
Then they came for the trade unionists and I did not speak out because I was not a trade unionist
Then they came for me And there was no one left to speak out for me.
-Pastor Martin Niemoller