uncle phil

A couple were on their honeymoon, lying in bed, ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, 'I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin.'

The husband replies, 'That's no big thing in this day and age.'

The wife continues, 'Yeah, I've been with one guy.'

'Oh yeah? Who was the guy?'

'Tiger Woods.'

'Tiger Woods the golfer?'

'Yeah.'

'Well he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him.'

The husband and wife then make passionate love. When they finish, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.

'What are you doing?' asks his wife.

The husband says, 'I'm hungry , I was going to call room service and get some food brought up.'

'Tiger wouldn't do that!' she claims.

'Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?'

'He'd come back to bed and do it a second time.'
The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love with his wife a second time. When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone.

'What are you doing?' she asks.

The husband says, 'I'm still hungry so I was going to call room service to get some food.'

'Tiger wouldn't do that,' again she claims.

'Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?'

'He'd come back to bed and do it a third time.'

The guy slams down the phone and goes back to bed and makes love to his wife a third time. When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.

The wife asks, 'Are you calling room service?'

'No! I'm calling Tiger Woods to find out what's par for this damn hole!'

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"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
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"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
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never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

genuinegirly

hehehe.

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"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

levite

OK, that was extremely funny!

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Dull sublunary lovers love,
Whose soul is sense, cannot admit
Absence, because it doth remove
That thing which elemented it.

(From "A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning" by John Donne)

Halanna

That was funny! Let's hope for a bogey!

Shell

Good one, uncle phil

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..."Say what you think. Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind" ~ Dr. Seuss

Plan9

Smooth.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Iliftrocks

That one needs a rim shot.

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bill hicks - "I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out."

highdro69

And cue the Tiger Woods' fist pump.

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"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society."

Plan9

You know, Tiger Woods played the Stryker course at Fort Bragg while I was stationed there. Some of my Joes were assigned to that bullshit detail and came back telling me that Tiger is a real asshole. Foul-mouthed and short-fused, he's like the male version of Britney Spears when she can't get her frappamochasoyhalfcafflattechino just the way she wants it.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

hotzot

good one!

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The Bully Boys are here!