Things that aren't funny
 

Let this thread be a warning. The following things are generally used or referenced with the intent of humor, but end with disastrous results.

- Pretending that a simple dish—toast, macaroni and cheese, grilled cheese sandwiches—is either very difficult to make or is very fancy.
- Pointing out that you are wearing the same shirt as someone else.
- The mere mention of marijuana.
- White people pretending to be black (ex: "me and my posse...")
- Friends (at least in 2009).


Alright, let's see more....

-"WAAAAAAZAAAAAAAAAP"
-"I'm Rick James, Bitch!"
-"Can you hear me now?"
-"It didn't ring up? IT MUST BE FREE!"
-ANYTHING to do with someone's name...they've heard it their whole life, you're not clever.

Jesus Christ, how did I forget about this gem? People in retail be warned, this will ruin your fucking day.

"Workin' hard or hardly workin?"

The incessant regurgitation of any internet meme.
-all your dumbass cliches are belong to us
-in Soviet Russia, meme spams you!
-!!1!!

To be fair, the phrase "In Soviet Russia, _____ _____ you!" was a meme long before what we call the internet today. It was made popular by Yakov Smirnoff in the 80's.

It's still tired and played out.

-Waitress: "Here's your check." Idiot Customer: "Oh, I don't need that, hehehe." My first job was in a Big Boy restaurant in high school. (couldn't serve booze + lived in a small town) The joke got old.

"Stop hitting yourself!"

"_______ is the new _______"

I heard you like _____ so I put _____ in your _____, Dawg! or any variation.

Puns. All of them.

World's Wackiest _________

What did the priest say at the Annual Priests' Association Spaghetti Dinner?

"Pass the pasta past the Pastor, Pastor!"

/wrote that one entirely myself. Never got a laugh out of it.

hey, my dog climbed up on my lap when he heard that, and is having fun watching it.
cool.

"I just printed it," when checking a large bill for authenticity as a cashier.

running towards something screaming "Leeeroy Jenkins!"

lol cats. i get it, yer kit-tay lvs shItz!!!1!!

"That's what she said"

Holy fuck. I don't know if M.E. students are special in this regard, but I have heard that phrase more in my three years in M.E. school then I did in high school and junior high school combined.

leeeeeeeeeeeeerooooooy jeeeeeeeeenkiiiins

When ______ Attack.
Nachoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo libre.
Whoa whoa, wee wah.

Muslims.

example: to a christian, "Why does Jesus hate M&M's? Because they fall through the holes in hands."

But you tell a joke like that to a muslim and it is liable to blow up in your face.

I'm a stone-cold atheist and I even find this mildly offensive. This thread is meant for jokes and thoughts and behaviors, not belief-systems.

Any junk in the trunk reference...

I hate that shit.

I'm a server, and my last question to all my tables is "can I get you anything else?" or something to that effect. The number of times I've heard "a million dollars," is ridiculous. Even better is how EVERY single person thinks they're the first to say it, and it's hilarious.

Dead hookers....

I just watched the leeroy jenkins crap last night for the first time. you're right, it isn't funny.

Amateur parodies

"Get er Done!"

I hear the above statement by people at work and it is the most annoying saying ever.

YES! Also "Here's yer sign."

not at all.

i believe its spelled "Git-R-Done."
...why the hell do i know that?


...rape. rape jokes just arent funny, and ive been hearing alot of comments like "id hold take a knife to that and hold that down" lately.

asshole bastard shitsucking cumstains. look at that, cant even properly insult im so disappointed.

it sucks that you cant punch someone in the face through a chatscreen.

Why are you hitting yourself?

FAIL! and WIN! Especially when used with EPIC in front of it. It was semi-amusing the first time it was used. The subsequent 30 million have not been. :)

Yes, yes, and yes. I hear those often, and the speaker always seems to think they are so funny.

Any dead baby joke, or dead puppy joke. Especially:
What's the best gift for a dead baby? A dead puppy.
I hate those.

OH! And ... "you can't touch this."

can't touch this?!

things from 1990 count!?

Alliteration.

I lost it. Cracked me up.

What's wrong with witty wordplay?

Me.

People who beep when they are backing up or going through a theft detector device at a store.

Person A "How are you?"
Person B "Pretty good"
Person A "Well, I don't know about good, but you sure are pretty."

What do you call a cheese that belongs to someone else?
Nacho cheese.
(Sorry JJ, I love you madly, but it'll never be funny. :lol:)

Them: "You were in the army, ever kill anybody?"

Rip Taylor