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Old 04-02-2009, 07:19 PM   #1 (permalink)
... a sort of licensed troubleshooter.
 
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Things that aren't funny

Let this thread be a warning. The following things are generally used or referenced with the intent of humor, but end with disastrous results.

- Pretending that a simple dish—toast, macaroni and cheese, grilled cheese sandwiches—is either very difficult to make or is very fancy.
- Pointing out that you are wearing the same shirt as someone else.
- The mere mention of marijuana.
- White people pretending to be black (ex: "me and my posse...")
- Friends (at least in 2009).


Alright, let's see more....
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Old 04-02-2009, 08:48 PM   #2 (permalink)
zomgomgomgomgomgomg
 
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Location: Fauxenix, Azerona
-"WAAAAAAZAAAAAAAAAP"
-"I'm Rick James, Bitch!"
-"Can you hear me now?"
-"It didn't ring up? IT MUST BE FREE!"
-ANYTHING to do with someone's name...they've heard it their whole life, you're not clever.
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Old 04-02-2009, 09:39 PM   #3 (permalink)
... a sort of licensed troubleshooter.
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by twistedmosaic View Post
-"It didn't ring up? IT MUST BE FREE!"
Jesus Christ, how did I forget about this gem? People in retail be warned, this will ruin your fucking day.
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Old 04-03-2009, 04:05 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Location: Yonder
"Workin' hard or hardly workin?"
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Old 04-03-2009, 04:14 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Location: Chicago
The incessant regurgitation of any internet meme.
-all your dumbass cliches are belong to us
-in Soviet Russia, meme spams you!
-!!1!!
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Old 04-03-2009, 05:10 AM   #6 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by JumpinJesus View Post
The incessant regurgitation of any internet meme.
-all your dumbass cliches are belong to us
-in Soviet Russia, meme spams you!
-!!1!!
To be fair, the phrase "In Soviet Russia, _____ _____ you!" was a meme long before what we call the internet today. It was made popular by Yakov Smirnoff in the 80's.

It's still tired and played out.

Last edited by vanblah; 04-03-2009 at 05:11 AM.. Reason: spelled Smirnoff right.
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Old 04-03-2009, 05:15 AM   #7 (permalink)
Junkie
 
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Location: Louisville, KY
-Waitress: "Here's your check." Idiot Customer: "Oh, I don't need that, hehehe." My first job was in a Big Boy restaurant in high school. (couldn't serve booze + lived in a small town) The joke got old.
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Old 04-03-2009, 05:27 AM   #8 (permalink)
Functionally Appropriate
 
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Location: Toronto
"Stop hitting yourself!"
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Old 04-03-2009, 05:38 AM   #9 (permalink)
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"_______ is the new _______"
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Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot
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Old 04-03-2009, 05:43 AM   #10 (permalink)
Junkie
 
I heard you like _____ so I put _____ in your _____, Dawg! or any variation.
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Old 04-03-2009, 05:45 AM   #11 (permalink)
You had me at hello
 
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Puns. All of them.

World's Wackiest _________
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Old 04-03-2009, 06:40 AM   #12 (permalink)
Functionally Appropriate
 
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Location: Toronto
What did the priest say at the Annual Priests' Association Spaghetti Dinner?

"Pass the pasta past the Pastor, Pastor!"

/wrote that one entirely myself. Never got a laugh out of it.
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Old 04-03-2009, 06:45 AM   #13 (permalink)
 
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Location: ❤
cLaiMeD By CaNaDa
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Old 04-03-2009, 06:50 AM   #14 (permalink)
warrior bodhisattva
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fresnelly View Post
What did the priest say at the Annual Priests' Association Spaghetti Dinner?

"Pass the pasta past the Pastor, Pastor!"
Reaction?
__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot
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Old 04-03-2009, 06:53 AM   #15 (permalink)
 
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Location: ❤
hey, my dog climbed up on my lap when he heard that, and is having fun watching it.
cool.
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Old 04-03-2009, 11:04 AM   #16 (permalink)
Upright
 
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"I just printed it," when checking a large bill for authenticity as a cashier.
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Old 04-03-2009, 12:08 PM   #17 (permalink)
Master Thief. Master Criminal. Masturbator.
 
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Location: Windiwana
running towards something screaming "Leeeroy Jenkins!"

lol cats. i get it, yer kit-tay lvs shItz!!!1!!
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First they came for the Jews and I did not speak out because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for the communists and I did not speak out because I was not a communist.
Then they came for the trade unionists and I did not speak out because I was not a trade unionist
Then they came for me And there was no one left to speak out for me.
-Pastor Martin Niemoller
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Old 04-03-2009, 12:34 PM   #18 (permalink)
Junkie
 
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Location: In the land of ice and snow.
"That's what she said"

Holy fuck. I don't know if M.E. students are special in this regard, but I have heard that phrase more in my three years in M.E. school then I did in high school and junior high school combined.
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Old 04-03-2009, 02:19 PM   #19 (permalink)
Crazy
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ssjtwizta View Post
running towards something screaming "leeeroy jenkins!"

lol cats. I get it, yer kit-tay lvs shitz!!!1!!

leeeeeeeeeeeeerooooooy jeeeeeeeeenkiiiins
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Old 04-03-2009, 04:01 PM   #20 (permalink)
Une petite chou
 
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Location: With All Your Base
When ______ Attack.
Nachoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo libre.
Whoa whoa, wee wah.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Plan9
Just realize that you're armed with smart but heavily outnumbered.
The question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me. Ayn Rand
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Old 04-03-2009, 05:25 PM   #21 (permalink)
Banned
 
Muslims.

example: to a christian, "Why does Jesus hate M&M's? Because they fall through the holes in hands."

But you tell a joke like that to a muslim and it is liable to blow up in your face.
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Old 04-03-2009, 05:58 PM   #22 (permalink)
... a sort of licensed troubleshooter.
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by new man View Post
Muslims.
I'm a stone-cold atheist and I even find this mildly offensive. This thread is meant for jokes and thoughts and behaviors, not belief-systems.
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Old 04-03-2009, 09:14 PM   #23 (permalink)
Forming
 
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Location: ....a state of pure inebriation.
Any junk in the trunk reference...

I hate that shit.
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Old 04-03-2009, 09:33 PM   #24 (permalink)
She's Actual Size
 
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Location: Central Republic of Where-in-the-Hell
I'm a server, and my last question to all my tables is "can I get you anything else?" or something to that effect. The number of times I've heard "a million dollars," is ridiculous. Even better is how EVERY single person thinks they're the first to say it, and it's hilarious.
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Old 04-04-2009, 01:44 AM   #25 (permalink)
Forming
 
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Location: ....a state of pure inebriation.
Dead hookers....
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"Punk rock music is great music played by really bad, drunk musicians." -Fat Mike
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Old 04-04-2009, 04:14 AM   #26 (permalink)
Une petite chou
 
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Location: With All Your Base
I just watched the leeroy jenkins crap last night for the first time. you're right, it isn't funny.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Plan9
Just realize that you're armed with smart but heavily outnumbered.
The question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me. Ayn Rand
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Old 04-04-2009, 04:18 AM   #27 (permalink)
warrior bodhisattva
 
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Super Moderator
Location: East-central Canada
Amateur parodies
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Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot
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Old 04-04-2009, 04:35 AM   #28 (permalink)
Groovy Hipster Nerd
 
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Location: Michigan
"Get er Done!"

I hear the above statement by people at work and it is the most annoying saying ever.
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Old 04-04-2009, 05:21 AM   #29 (permalink)
Darth Papa
 
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Location: Yonder
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jove View Post
"Get er Done!"

I hear the above statement by people at work and it is the most annoying saying ever.
YES! Also "Here's yer sign."
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Old 04-04-2009, 07:15 AM   #30 (permalink)
Master Thief. Master Criminal. Masturbator.
 
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Location: Windiwana
Quote:
Originally Posted by noodle View Post
...you're right, it isn't funny.
not at all.

i believe its spelled "Git-R-Done."
...why the hell do i know that?


...rape. rape jokes just arent funny, and ive been hearing alot of comments like "id hold take a knife to that and hold that down" lately.

asshole bastard shitsucking cumstains. look at that, cant even properly insult im so disappointed.

it sucks that you cant punch someone in the face through a chatscreen.
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First they came for the Jews and I did not speak out because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for the communists and I did not speak out because I was not a communist.
Then they came for the trade unionists and I did not speak out because I was not a trade unionist
Then they came for me And there was no one left to speak out for me.
-Pastor Martin Niemoller
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Old 04-04-2009, 03:21 PM   #31 (permalink)
Misanthropic
 
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Location: Ohio! yay!
Quote:
Originally Posted by fresnelly View Post
"Stop hitting yourself!"
Why are you hitting yourself?
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Old 04-04-2009, 03:24 PM   #32 (permalink)
Junkie
 
FAIL! and WIN! Especially when used with EPIC in front of it. It was semi-amusing the first time it was used. The subsequent 30 million have not been.
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No goddamn slave
I will be different"
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Old 04-04-2009, 04:06 PM   #33 (permalink)
But You'll Never Prove It.
 
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Location: under your bed
Quote:
Originally Posted by twistedmosaic View Post
-"It didn't ring up? IT MUST BE FREE!"
Quote:
Originally Posted by ratbastid View Post
"Workin' hard or hardly workin?"
Quote:
Originally Posted by span2 View Post
"I just printed it," when checking a large bill for authenticity as a cashier.
Yes, yes, and yes. I hear those often, and the speaker always seems to think they are so funny.

Any dead baby joke, or dead puppy joke. Especially:
What's the best gift for a dead baby? A dead puppy.
I hate those.

OH! And ... "you can't touch this."
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. . . . . . . . . . . . . .


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Old 04-04-2009, 04:24 PM   #34 (permalink)
Master Thief. Master Criminal. Masturbator.
 
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Location: Windiwana
can't touch this?!

things from 1990 count!?
__________________
First they came for the Jews and I did not speak out because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for the communists and I did not speak out because I was not a communist.
Then they came for the trade unionists and I did not speak out because I was not a trade unionist
Then they came for me And there was no one left to speak out for me.
-Pastor Martin Niemoller
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Old 04-04-2009, 07:44 PM   #35 (permalink)
lonely rolling star
 
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Location: Seattle.
Alliteration.
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The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of non-essentials.
"
-Lin Yutang

hearts, by d.a.
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Old 04-04-2009, 08:08 PM   #36 (permalink)
change is hard.
 
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Location: the green room.
Quote:
Originally Posted by fresnelly View Post
What did the priest say at the Annual Priests' Association Spaghetti Dinner?

"Pass the pasta past the Pastor, Pastor!"

/wrote that one entirely myself. Never got a laugh out of it.
I lost it. Cracked me up.
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ME: I officially love coffee more then you now.
EX: uh...
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Old 04-04-2009, 08:51 PM   #37 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Location: Chicago
Quote:
Originally Posted by sadistikdreams View Post
Alliteration.
What's wrong with witty wordplay?
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Old 04-04-2009, 09:03 PM   #38 (permalink)
Fancy
 
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Location: Chicago
Me.

People who beep when they are backing up or going through a theft detector device at a store.

Person A "How are you?"
Person B "Pretty good"
Person A "Well, I don't know about good, but you sure are pretty."

What do you call a cheese that belongs to someone else?
Nacho cheese.
(Sorry JJ, I love you madly, but it'll never be funny. )
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Last edited by shesus; 04-04-2009 at 09:07 PM..
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Old 04-04-2009, 10:03 PM   #39 (permalink)
I Confess a Shiver
 
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Them: "You were in the army, ever kill anybody?"
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Whatever you can carry.

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Old 04-05-2009, 05:10 AM   #40 (permalink)
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Location: Yonder
Rip Taylor
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