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Old 03-14-2009, 02:16 AM   #1 (permalink)
comfortably numb...
 
uncle phil's Avatar
 
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Location: upstate
Nookie Green

An Irish man went to confession in St. Patrick's Catholic Church. 'Father', he confessed, 'it has been one month since my last confession. I had sex with Nookie Green twice last month.'

The priest told the sinner, 'You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail
Mary's.'

Soon thereafter, another Irish man entered the confessional. 'Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I've had sex with Nookie Green twice a week for the past two months.'

This time, the priest questioned, 'Who is this Nookie Green?'

'A new woman in the neighborhood,' the sinner replied.

'Very well,' sighed the priest. Go and say ten Hail Mary's.'

At mass the next morning, as the priest prepared to deliver the sermon, a tall, voluptuous, drop-dead gorgeous redheaded woman entered the sanctuary. The eyes of every man in the church fell upon her as she slowly sashayed up the aisle and sat down right in front of the priest. Her dress was green and very short, and she wore matching, shiny emerald-green shoes.
The priest and the altar boy gasped as the woman in the green dress and matching green shoes sat with her legs spread slightly apart, but just enough to realize she wasn't wearing any underwear. The priest turned to the altar boy and whispered, 'Is that Nookie Green?'

The bug-eyed altar boy couldn't believe his ears but managed to calmly reply, 'No Father, I think it's just a reflection from her shoes.'
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"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
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We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
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Old 03-14-2009, 04:59 AM   #2 (permalink)
Evil Priest: The Devil Made Me Do It!
 
Daniel_'s Avatar
 
Location: Southern England
Like it. I'd heard a similar version with the protagonist called "Fanny Green".
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╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗
Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine

╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝
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Old 03-14-2009, 11:37 AM   #3 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Location: My head.
ROTFLMAO!!!!!!
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Old 03-14-2009, 03:44 PM   #4 (permalink)
Upright
 
Location: New Orleans
Beautiful, thanks
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Old 03-16-2009, 06:31 AM   #5 (permalink)
Addict
 
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Location: Port Elizabeth, South Africa
actually the first thing today that handed me a genuine smile Thanks
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Old 03-17-2009, 08:28 AM   #6 (permalink)
Eat your vegetables
 
genuinegirly's Avatar
 
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Location: Arabidopsis-ville
Oh dear.
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"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy
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Old 03-24-2009, 10:08 AM   #7 (permalink)
Master Thief. Master Criminal. Masturbator.
 
SSJTWIZTA's Avatar
 
Location: Windiwana
nice one.
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First they came for the Jews and I did not speak out because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for the communists and I did not speak out because I was not a communist.
Then they came for the trade unionists and I did not speak out because I was not a trade unionist
Then they came for me And there was no one left to speak out for me.
-Pastor Martin Niemoller
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