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11-11-2008, 11:26 AM
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#42 (permalink) |
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Junkie
Location: Louisiana
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Once on the filming of Walker, Texas Ranger, when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a stunt man, his foot went so fast that it traveled back in time and kicked Amelia Earnhart in the head killing her on her last voyage.
The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These are also Chuck Norris' initials. This is not a coincidence. Although it is not common knowledge, there are three sides of the force, the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris. As a teen, Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a covet in the back hills of Tunsca, nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional history. Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever. and my personal all time fav.... Chuck Norris can enter up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, Select, Start using only his erection. yes its like that... There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
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It means only one thing, and everything: Cut. Once committed to fight, Cut. Everything else is secondary. Cut. That is your duty, your purpose, your hunger. There is no rule more important, no commitment that overrides that one. Cut. The lines are a portrayal of the dance. Cut from the void, not from bewilderment. Cut the enemy as quickly and directly as possible. Cut with certainty. Cut decisively, resoultely. Cut into his strength. Flow through the gaps in his guard. Cut him. Cut him down utterly. Don't allow him a breath. Crush him. Cut him without mercy to the depth of his spirit. It is the balance to life: death. It is the dance with death. It is the law a war wizard lives by, or he dies. |
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11-11-2008, 11:30 AM
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#43 (permalink) | |
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warrior bodhisattva
Super Moderator
Location: East-central Canada
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Quote:
Literally.
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Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing? —Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön Humankind cannot bear very much reality. —From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot |
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11-11-2008, 06:02 PM
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#44 (permalink) | |
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The Reforms
Location: Rarely, if ever, here or there, but always in transition
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Quote:
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As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world (that is the myth of the Atomic Age) as in being able to remake ourselves. —Mohandas K. Gandhi |
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11-11-2008, 09:21 PM
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#45 (permalink) |
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bad craziness
Location: Guelph, Ontario
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Did you hear that they named a street after Chuck Norris?
It became the street with the highest fatality rate in the world because no one crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
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"it never got weird enough for me." - Hunter S. Thompson |
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11-11-2008, 09:33 PM
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#46 (permalink) |
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The Reforms
Location: Rarely, if ever, here or there, but always in transition
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Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.
On the SAT if you put Chuck Norris for every answer you will score over 8000. Chuck Norris is not only a noun, but a verb. Chuck Norris once bench-pressed the entire state of Ohio, and all of its residents. The Seven Wonders of the ancient world were: Chuck Norris' left and right hands, his left and right feet, his belly button, his liver, and his beard. The world's fastest car now has 7 gears. 5, 6, and Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats eight meals a day. Seven are steak, and the last is the rest of the cow.
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As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world (that is the myth of the Atomic Age) as in being able to remake ourselves. —Mohandas K. Gandhi |
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11-13-2008, 01:35 AM
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#48 (permalink) | |
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Crazy
Location: orange county
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Quote:
just made that one up
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"blaine is a pain and that is the truth" |
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11-14-2008, 10:41 PM
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#50 (permalink) |
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The Reforms
Location: Rarely, if ever, here or there, but always in transition
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Chuck Norris plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball.
Chuck Norris is not Politically Correct. He is just Correct. Always. Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger. It is actually a list of fatalities that occurred during the making of the episode. Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. The tsunamis were killing people. They were going to release a Chuck Norris edition of Clue, but the answer always turns out to be "Chuck Norris. In The Library. With a Roundhouse Kick." When you play Monopoly with Chuck Norris, you do not pass go, and you do not collect two hundred dollars. You will be lucky if you make it out alive. Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
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As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world (that is the myth of the Atomic Age) as in being able to remake ourselves. —Mohandas K. Gandhi |
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11-27-2008, 07:12 PM
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#53 (permalink) |
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Junkie
Location: At my daughter's beck and call.
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Chuck Norris cannot wear a condom, as his sperm is teflon coated.
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Propaganda is to a democracy what the bludgeon is to a totalitarian state. -Noam Chomsky Love is a verb, not a noun. -My Mom The function of genius is to furnish cretins with ideas twenty years later. -Louis Aragon, "La Porte-plume," Traite du style, 1928 |
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12-08-2008, 06:09 PM
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#54 (permalink) |
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Addict
Location: Baltimore MD
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my friend and i were once signing a release form to try an indoor climbing wall. my friend quietly mutters
"Chuck Norris is his own emergency contact." i found it quite humorous 
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-Tim- ~I swear sometimes i feel like i'm married to a child. ~You better watch who you're calling a child, Lois, cause if i'm a child than you know what that makes you? a pedophile. and i'll be damned if i'm going to stand here and be lectured by a pervert. |
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12-08-2008, 07:12 PM
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#55 (permalink) |
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warrior bodhisattva
Super Moderator
Location: East-central Canada
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Bets on Chuck Norris are going at 1/1.
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Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing? —Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön Humankind cannot bear very much reality. —From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot |
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12-16-2008, 02:12 PM
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#59 (permalink) |
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Crazy
Location: orange county
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in order to survive a nuclear attack, you must remember to stop, drop, and be chuck norris
the bible says samson killed 15,000 philistines with the jawbone of an ass. when god asked chuck norris what he thought about that. he said "thats one way to do it." god laughed at chucks wisdom, and said, "i knew you were going to say that." we all know the magic word is please. as in the sentence "please dont kill me." too bad chuck norris doesnt believe in magic.
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"blaine is a pain and that is the truth" |
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12-16-2008, 07:00 PM
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#60 (permalink) |
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Junkie
Location: At my daughter's beck and call.
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Chuck Norris was born toilet trained. That's because no one shits on Chuck Norris, not even Chuck Norris.
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Propaganda is to a democracy what the bludgeon is to a totalitarian state. -Noam Chomsky Love is a verb, not a noun. -My Mom The function of genius is to furnish cretins with ideas twenty years later. -Louis Aragon, "La Porte-plume," Traite du style, 1928 |
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12-21-2008, 01:51 AM
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#61 (permalink) |
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Crazy
Location: orange county
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Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. if you're thinking to yourself, "thats impossible, i already lost my virginity." then you are dead wrong.
it never rains on Chuck Norris Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so fast that they actually grew younger.
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"blaine is a pain and that is the truth" |
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01-09-2009, 12:28 PM
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#63 (permalink) |
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follower of the child's crusade?
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Once, many years ago, a savage grizzly bear attacked an man in the woods. When the bear realised that that man was Chuck Norris it was so scared that it ran to the North Pole, and all of its descendants ever since have been born with white hair.
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"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered." The Gospel of Thomas |
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01-09-2009, 12:44 PM
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#64 (permalink) |
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warrior bodhisattva
Super Moderator
Location: East-central Canada
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Some people go on about how they only drink extra-strong coffee.
Chuck Norris eats coffee beans as though they were cereal.
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Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing? —Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön Humankind cannot bear very much reality. —From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot |
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01-10-2009, 01:29 PM
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#65 (permalink) |
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follower of the child's crusade?
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Chuck Norris can divide by zero
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"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered." The Gospel of Thomas |
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01-10-2009, 01:38 PM
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#66 (permalink) |
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warrior bodhisattva
Super Moderator
Location: East-central Canada
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Chuck Norris can literally kick Rachmaninov's Concerto No. 3 flawlessly out of a piano.
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Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing? —Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön Humankind cannot bear very much reality. —From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot |
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12-16-2009, 05:07 PM
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#68 (permalink) |
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loving the curves
Location: my Lady's manor
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...
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And now to disengage the clutch of the forebrain ...  I'm going with this - if you like artwork visit http://markfineart.ca |
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12-16-2009, 10:46 PM
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#69 (permalink) |
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Forming
Location: ....a state of pure inebriation.
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Chuck Norris cans and sells his own urine...
We know this as Red Bull.
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"The fact is that censorship always defeats its own purpose, for it creates, in the end, the kind of society that is incapable of exercising real discretion..." - Henry Steel Commager "Punk rock music is great music played by really bad, drunk musicians." -Fat Mike |
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| Tags |
| chuck, contribute, jokes, norris |
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