uncle phil

It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.

My name is Uncle Phil. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Aunt Phil. When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for Aunt Phil to get a full-time job, along with her part-time job - both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed.

Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf club about the same time she gets home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the club, so eating out is not reasonable. I'm ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door.

She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.

Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But, boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days. That way she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think that tact is one of my strong points.

When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half finished mowing the yard. I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me too.

I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Aunt Phil. I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.

Signed,
Uncle Phil

EDITOR'S NOTE:
Uncle Phil died suddenly on April 30 - of a perforated rectum. The police report says he was found with a Calloway extra long 50-inch Big Bertha 460 Driver golf club jammed up his rear end, with barely 5 inches of grip showing and a sledge hammer laying nearby.

Uncle Phil's wife Aunt Phil was arrested and charged with murder. The all-woman jury took only 15 minutes to find her "Not Guilty", accepting her defense that Uncle Phil somehow, without looking, accidentally sat down on his golf club.

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"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
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"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
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never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

troit

he tripped...

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I've yet to dephile myself...

jewels

ROFLMAO! Gotta love ya, Unk.

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We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
Mark Twain

lotsofmagnets

i think there are entire countries run on this philosophy

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mother nature made the aeroplane, and the submarine sandwich, with the steady hands and dead eye of a remarkable sculptor.
she shed her mountain turning training wheels, for the convenience of the moving sidewalk, that delivers the magnetic monkey children through the mouth of impossible calendar clock, into the devil's manhole cauldron.
physics of a bicycle, isn't it remarkable?

The_Jazz

So Aunt Phil's single now? You mind if I give her a call, Phil?

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"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

Ilow

hilarious!

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"Religion is the one area of our discourse in which it is considered noble to pretend to be certain about things no human being could possibly be certain about"
--Sam Harris

grumpyolddude

Why is this in humor? Belongs in Tilted Living, of General Discussion, seems to me.... hey what's that?? ... put down that golf club, QW! ... and that hammer!!!....OWwwwwwww......

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"Regret can be a harder pill to swallow than failure .With failure you at least know you gave it a chance..." David Howard

Deltona Couple

That has GOT to be the funniest joke I have EVER read in my life!!!

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"It is not that I have failed, but that I have found 10,000 ways that it DOESN'T work!" --Thomas Edison

KellyC

This is gold. Almost laughed too hard in the library.

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Him: Ok, I have to ask, what do you believe?
Me: Shit happens.