Share your jokes, funny stories
 

Just thought it would be good if there was a thread with jokes or something to get people laughing..I need a laugh once and a while. Post one that you think is funny..old joke or new!

Someone told me a joke that I thought was great ..:

Q:Why was Raggedy Anne kicked out of the toy box?

A: She kept sitting on Pinocchio's nose saying, "Lie to me! Lie to Me!

uhm... isn't this what tilted nonsense is for? but anyways...

Life Lessons

I've learned that you cannot make
someone love you.All you can do
is stalk them and hope they panic
and give in.

I've learned that no matter how much I
care, some people are just assholes.

I've learned that it takes years to
build up trust, and it only takes suspicion,
not proof, to destroy it.

I've learned that you can get by on
charm for about fifteen minutes. After that,
you'd better have a big dick or huge tits.

I've learned that you shouldn't compare
yourself to others - they are
more fucked up than you think.

I've learned that you can keep puking
long after you think you're finished.

I've learned that we are responsible for
what we do, unless we are celebrities.

I've learned that regardless of how hot
and steamy a relationship is at first, the
passion fades, and there had better
be a lot of money to take its place.

I've learned that sometimes the people
you expect to kick you when you're down,
will be the ones who do.

I've learned that we don't have to ditch
bad friends, because their dysfunction
makes us feel better about ourselves.

I've learned that no matter how you
try to protect your children, they will
eventually get arrested and end up
in the local paper.

I've learned that the people you care
most about in life are taken from you
too soon and all the less important
ones just never go away.

I've learned to say "Fuck 'em if they
can't take a joke" in 6 languages.

Tilted nonsense..humor..whatever... did you make that poem up Mael? Its pretty good!lol.

Heheh.. some of these are really good!

A man came home to find his wife flushed and naked lying on the bed. He also heard a noise in the closet. Striding over to it, he flung it open and found a naked man.

"Just who in the hell do you think you are," the husband bellowed.

The man, not missing a beat, replied "The moth inspector"

"The moth inspector?" Husband replied incredulously, "You're not wearing any clothes!"

The man in the closet glanced down, and exclaimed "God, I'm too late!"

I figured I would share it, it gave me a chuckle...

Re: Share your jokes, funny stories
 

hahah i like that