uncle phil

A nun walks into Mother Superior's office and plunks down into a
chair. She lets out a sigh heavy with frustration.

"What troubles you, Sister?" asked the Mother Superior. "I thought
this was the day you spent with your family."

"It was," sighed the Sister. "And I went to play golf with my
brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a
talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ."

"I seem to recall that," the Mother Superior agreed. "So I take it
your day of recreation was not relaxing?"

"Far from it," snorted the Sister. "In fact, I even took the Lord's
name in vain today!"

"Goodness, Sister!" gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. "You
must tell me all about it!"

"Well, we were on the fifth tee...and this hole is a monster, Mother
-540 yard Par 5, with a nasty dogleg left and a hidden green...and I hit
the drive of my life. I creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made.
And it's flying straight and true, right along the line I
wanted...and it hits a bird in mid-flight not 100 yards off the tee!"

"Oh my!" commiserated the Mother. "How unfortunate! But surely that
didn't make you blaspheme, Sister!"

"No, that wasn't it," admitted Sister. "While I was still trying to
fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!"

Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!" sympathized the Mother.

"But I didn't, Mother!" sobbed the Sister. "And I was so proud of
myself! And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this
hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my
ball still clutched in his paws!"

"So that's when you cursed," said the Mother with a knowing smile.

"Nope, that wasn't it either," cried the Sister, anguished, "because
as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling,
and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped
out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!"

Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her
chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said...

"You missed the fucking putt, didn't you?"

__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
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"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
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never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

jewels

You're on a roll this week, Unka Phil. That was great!

__________________
We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
Mark Twain

Tully Mars

Nice.

__________________
I used to drink to drown my sorrows, but the damned things have learned how to swim- Frida Kahlo

Vice President Starkizzer Fan Club

troit

Honesty is tue best policy.

__________________
I've yet to dephile myself...

FinePoints

Excellent joke! hahaha

genuinegirly

Hehe. Great one!

Gentlemen
Only
Ladies
Forbidden

__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy