Gatorade Frost

A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot.

The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but something happened. I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your willy was chopped off in the wreck, and we were unable to find it."

The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got $9000 in insurance compensation coming to you, and we have the technology now to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did - better in fact! But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's $1000 an inch."

The man perks up at this.

"So," the doctor says, "it's for you to decide how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for a nine incher, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before, and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time, she might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision."

The man agrees to talk with his wife. The doctor comes back the next
day.

"So," says the doctor, "have you spoken with your wife?"

"I have," says the man.

"And has she helped you in making the decision?"

"She has," says the man.

"And what is it?" asks the doctor.

"We're getting a new kitchen."

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I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."
Emo Philips

Push-Pull

LOL! Good one. Emailed to wife....

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"No laws, no matter how rigidly enforced, can protect a person from their own stupidity." -Me-

"Some people are like Slinkies..... They are not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs." -Unknown-

DAMMIT! -Jack Bauer-

jewels

But of course!

gar1976

Another TFPer who sent this to the wife....

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Blistex, in regards to crappy games -

They made pong look like a story driven RPG with a dynamic campaign.

ottopilot

ditto

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"It rubs the lotion on Buffy, Jodi and Mr. French's skin" - Uncle Bill from Buffalo

Plan9

HAHAHAH...

"She said I can pee sitting down."

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Iliftrocks

I'd have gone for 7 and a 2k divorce. nyuck nyuck

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bill hicks - "I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out."

Brewmaniac

10" she can do what she wants!

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"That's a joke... I say, that's a joke, son"