DaveOrion

This is (supposedly) an actual letter sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. It was an E-mail so who knows........I did chuckle abit but didn't laugh out loud.......


Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your "Always" maxi pads for over 20 years
and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak Guard
Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding
or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down
the beach in tight, white shorts.

But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings.
Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how
Crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and
secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered
from "the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my "time of the
month" is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal
forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from
now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my
husband likes to call "an inbred hillbilly with knife skills." Isn't the
human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt
seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your
customers' monthly visits from "Aunt Flo". Therefore, you must
know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about
our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You
surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only
last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her
boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he
told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps.
Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is
just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which
brings me to the reason for my letter.

Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to
reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always
maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words:
"Have a Happy Period."

Are you freaking kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your
tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling,
laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did
anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well,
did it, James?

FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will
never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself
up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you
don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting
rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to
slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense
to say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put down the
Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong", or are you just picking on
us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective
immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I
have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will
certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss
your brand of condescending b.s.. And that's a promise I will
keep.

__________________
Syriana...have you ever tried liquid MDMA?....Liquid MDMA? No....Arash, when you wanna do this?.....After prayer...

reverendjay

As the fiancee of a woman who's PMS lasts 21 days, I got a good belly laugh out of 'Vehicular Manslaughter is wrong'.

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I'm married now, so the only thing in my house that pulls out now is the couch.

Plan9

Omigod, I almost choked on my toothpaste.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

thebeat

"homicidal maniacs in Capri pants." HAHAHA

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random

OutCast

Good Read! I agree with reverendjay, "Vehicular Manslaughter is wrong" was pretty funny!

shaman

As someone who has lived with a woman who blames everything on her period in one way or another...
Dude, That ain't PMS that's somebody that either needs serious medica help or needs to deal.

Hey I could be wrong being a guy and all.

Bill O'Rights

Oh, men suffer from "the curse" alright. Oh, how we suffer.

Ummm...there are no women in here right now, are there?
/me runs like hell.

__________________
"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony

"Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus

It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.

uncle phil

my kind of humor...thanks...

__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
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"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
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never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

Reese

You must have an attention span this big (-----------------------) to enjoy this story... Mine is only (----)... :P:P

__________________
“It is better to be rich and healthy than poor and sick” - Dave Barry