Naughty Nursery Rhymes
 

Humpty Dumpty fucked a fat whore,
Humpty Dumpty fucked her some more,
All the kings horses and all the kings men,
Bent the bitch over and fucked her again.


Mary had a little lamb
her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her
between two chunks of bread.


Simple Simon met a pieman going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pieman
"What have u got there?"
Said the pieman unto Simon
Pies you dickhead.


Jack and Jill went up the hill
so Jack could lick Jill's fanny.
Jack got a shock
and a mouthful of cock
cos Jill's a fucking tranny.


Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to fetch her poor dog a bone. When she bent over Rover took over and gave her a bone of his own.

Ah yes! Some Andrew Dice "Diceman" Clay nursery rhymes!

That's some funny shit ,thanks.

Oh, man, those are funny

Hickory, Dickory Dock
This chick was sucking my cock
The clock struck two
I dropped my goo
And dumped the bitch on the next block.


Georgie-Porgie, Pudding 'n pie
Jerked off in his girlfriends eye
And when that I was dried and shut
Georgie fucked that one-eyed slut!

Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet
eating her curds and whey,
along came a spider,
who sat down beside her
And said "What's in the bowl bitch?!"

Little Jack Horner
Sat in a corner
Eating his Christmas pie.
Stuck in his thumb
And pulled out a plumb
And said "Holy shit am I high!"

georg carlin

Jack be nimble,
Jack be quick,
But Jill prefers,
The candlestick.

There once was a woman
who lived in a shoe.
She had so many children
her uterus fell out.


Mother Goose...yeah, I fucked her.

There was a young girl from Madras.
Who had a magnificent ass.
Not pretty and pink,
As you probably think.
No, it had long ears and ate grass.



There was a little girl,
Who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead...
And when she was good,
She was very very good,
But when she was bad
She got a fur coat, jewels, a
Waterfront condo and a sports car.

Some funny stuff, thanks all!

Old King Cole was a merry old soul.
And a merry old soul was he.
He'd call for his pipe, he'd call for his bowl...
I guess we all know about Old Kind Cole.

-gc

Thank you all.

After reading this to my wife, she said I can not read nursery rhymes when we have kids.

some more andrew dice clay ones:

Peter Peter pumpkin eater,
Had a wife, loved to beat her
Smacked her twice across the head,
Fucked her ass and went to bed!

Little Jack Horner
Sat in the corner eating a pizza pie.
He shit pepperoni, and blew his friend Tony
Then wiped his mouth on his tie!

Jack Spratt could eat no fat,
His wife could eat no lean.
So Jack ignored her flabby tits,
And licked her asshole clean!

Mary, Mary quite contrary,
Trim that pussy it's too damn hairy!

Roll, roll, roll your cunt
Gently down my prick.
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,
Then you'll suck my dick.

Hey diddle diddle,
The cat and the fiddle,
The cow jumped over the moon.
That's more than my lazy wife does,
The fat, fuckin' smelly baboon

Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater.
Whacked off in the movie theater.
Sprayed his load across the screen
And ruined Titanic's final scene

Little Boy Blew.

He needed the money!

Some Mad magazine love here:

The Itsy Bitsy Spider,
went up the water spout
down came the rain
and washed the spider out

Out came the sun
through the great big ozone hole
and fried that little spider
into spider casserole!