If men TRULY ran the world... - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

CheapBastid · 07-21-2003, 11:49 AM

1.Breaking up would be a lot easier, a smack to the rear and a "Nice hustle, you'll get'em next time" would pretty much do it.

2.Birth control would come in ale or lager.

3.Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.

4 On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking. Mother's Day too.

5.St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month.

6.Garbage would take itself out.

7.Regis and Kathy Lee would be chained to a cement mixer and pushed off the Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per-view event in world history.

8.The only show opposite "Monday Night Football" would be "Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle".

9.Instead of "beer-belly", you'd get "beer-biceps".

10.Tanks would be far easier to rent.

11.When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine.

As in:

Cop: "You know how fast you were going?"
You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place."
Cop :"Nice one, That's $10.00 off".

12.People would never talk about how fresh they felt.

13.Daisy Duke shorts would never go out of style again.

14.Every man would get four real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.

15.Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.

16.The victors in any athletic competition would get to kill and eat the losers.

17.It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.

18.Instead of a fancy, expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said "You're #1!".

19.When your girlfriend really needed
to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.

20.Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as an acceptable response to "I love you".

21.The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.

22."Sorry I'm late, but I got wasted last night", would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.

23.At the end of the workday a whistle would blow and you would jump out of your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone.

24.Lifeguards could remove (female)citizens from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.

25.Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.

Raw Kuts · 07-21-2003, 12:01 PM

Quote:

25.Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.

I so need that one. I went a whole two weeks calling a girl "hey there" or I just started talking in her general direction.

duckduck · 07-21-2003, 05:55 PM

I'm horrible. I find those all hilarious

PayUp · 07-22-2003, 05:20 PM

those are awesome

ratbastid · 07-22-2003, 05:40 PM

Friggin awesome. I love it.

SirLance · 07-22-2003, 06:05 PM

Very good! Great list!

Regziever · 07-22-2003, 10:52 PM

Hehe.. Oddly enough i find them accually being amusing.. hehe

Good post!

Garbalo69 · 07-23-2003, 06:31 AM

lmao...

if only...

rundmv · 07-23-2003, 07:49 AM

very funny

vinnyferrozzo · 07-23-2003, 02:41 PM

All so very true....but how about

26. The oprah show would be canceled and replaced with a one hr show featuring Oprah getting her ass kicked everyday for being so damn anoying

07-21-2003, 11:49 AM	#1 (permalink)
CheapBastid Tilted off balance... Location: the last place you'd look	If men TRULY ran the world... 1.Breaking up would be a lot easier, a smack to the rear and a "Nice hustle, you'll get'em next time" would pretty much do it. 2.Birth control would come in ale or lager. 3.Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years. 4 On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking. Mother's Day too. 5.St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month. 6.Garbage would take itself out. 7.Regis and Kathy Lee would be chained to a cement mixer and pushed off the Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per-view event in world history. 8.The only show opposite "Monday Night Football" would be "Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle". 9.Instead of "beer-belly", you'd get "beer-biceps". 10.Tanks would be far easier to rent. 11.When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in: Cop: "You know how fast you were going?" You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place." Cop :"Nice one, That's $10.00 off". 12.People would never talk about how fresh they felt. 13.Daisy Duke shorts would never go out of style again. 14.Every man would get four real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year. 15.Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation. 16.The victors in any athletic competition would get to kill and eat the losers. 17.It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas. 18.Instead of a fancy, expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said "You're #1!". 19.When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out. 20.Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as an acceptable response to "I love you". 21.The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO. 22."Sorry I'm late, but I got wasted last night", would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness. 23.At the end of the workday a whistle would blow and you would jump out of your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone. 24.Lifeguards could remove (female)citizens from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance. 25.Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.

07-21-2003, 05:55 PM	#3 (permalink)
duckduck Psycho Location: Where hockey pucks run rampant	I'm horrible. I find those all hilarious __________________ Lead me, follow me, or get out of my way!

07-22-2003, 05:20 PM	#4 (permalink)
PayUp DILLIGAF Location: AZ	those are awesome __________________ Born to Lose.

07-22-2003, 06:05 PM	#6 (permalink)
SirLance Junkie Location: In the middle of the desert.	Very good! Great list! __________________ DEMOCRACY is where your vote counts, FEUDALISM is where your count votes.

07-22-2003, 10:52 PM	#7 (permalink)
Regziever Sexy eh? Location: Sweden	Hehe.. Oddly enough i find them accually being amusing.. hehe Good post! __________________ Life is shit, Death is even worse, So what's the point of killing yourself? /Ignatius Camryn Paladine

07-22-2003, 05:40 PM	#5 (permalink)
ratbastid Darth Papa Location: Yonder	Friggin awesome. I love it.

07-23-2003, 06:31 AM	#8 (permalink)
Garbalo69 Tilted	lmao... if only...

07-23-2003, 07:49 AM	#9 (permalink)
rundmv Insane	very funny

07-23-2003, 02:41 PM	#10 (permalink)
vinnyferrozzo Tilted	All so very true....but how about 26. The oprah show would be canceled and replaced with a one hr show featuring Oprah getting her ass kicked everyday for being so damn anoying