Glad-I-Ate-Her

Counsel Of Man Laws

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:

(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
3b: A man must never divulge what happened in a bachelor party to any of the wives or girlfriends of the participants.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However, complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

11: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

12: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

13: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem. You didn't see anything.

14: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

15: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

16: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

17: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

18: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

19: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:

a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c) Another set, and we can hit the showers!

20: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

21 : Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

22: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

23: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

24: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, or orange.

25: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.

26: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

27: One man must not compliment another man's cologne.

28: A friend must be ready at a moments notice to be a wing man. Even as far as to take one for the team by bedding a ugly girl in order that his buddy gets to bed a hottie.

There are 3 kinds of friends:
A regular friend bails you out of jail.
A good friend is in jail with you.
A best friend helps you hide the body.

29: A man must always be ready to go on a beer run.

30: If you borrow a friends car, always return it with a full tank of gas.

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:

"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"

"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say, "You're next!"

We hope this clears up any confusion.

__________________
I'm "Glad I Ate Her" because the payback was worth it!!

Lady Sage

Hahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!! Loved it!

__________________
If only closed minds came with closed mouths.
Minds are like parachutes, they function best when open.
It`s Easier to Change a Condom Than a Diaper
Yes, the rumors are true... I actually AM a Witch.

Siege

My buddy actually did crash his boss' car.

I don't remember what he did exactly though.

__________________
"Your name's Geek? Do you know the origin of the term? A geek is someone who bites the heads off chickens at a circus. I would never let you suck my dick with a name like Geek"

--Kevin Smith

This part just makes my posts easier to find

Brewmaniac

I smashed my bosses van when I was 16 he was very cool about it! Coolest boss I ever had! His wife is sweet but she would get pissed about something and would fire us about every two weeks, we would just come back the next day and everything was ok.

__________________
"That's a joke... I say, that's a joke, son"

Glad-I-Ate-Her

Here are a couple more...

Never redo a high-five. If you mess it up, let it go.

The "shotgun rule " is always in effect.

Only call your girlfriend once a day. Once only!

Never use the term love-making, except when you're trying to get laid.

Men should never, in any way, feed each other.

Never dis Chuck Norris.


Glad

__________________
I'm "Glad I Ate Her" because the payback was worth it!!