Bill O'Rights

Actually Taken From Classified Ads In Newspapers:

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 YEARS OLD. HATEFUL LITTLE DOG. BITES.

FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 COCKER SPANIEL 1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG.

FREE PUPPIES... PART GERMAN SHEPHERD, PART STUPID DOG.

GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.

FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG. LOOKS LIKE A RAT... BEEN OUT AWHILE... BETTER BE A REWARD.

SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE... ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.

COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED... ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.

NORDIC TRACK $300 HARDLY USED, CALL CHUBBY.

GEORGIA PEACHES, CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb.
NICE PARACHUTE: NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE.

TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR? WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS. STARTING PAY: $7 -- $9 PER HOUR.

EXERCISE EQUIPMENT: QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRINGS -$175.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY! MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER $300.

ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER.

OPEN HOUSE: BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON. FREE COFFEE & DONUTS.

FOR SALE BY OWNER: COMPLETE SET OF ENCYCLOPEDIA BRITTANICA. 45 VOLUMES.EXCELLENT CONDITION. $1,000.00 OR BEST OFFER. NO LONGER NEEDED. GOT MARRIED LAST MONTH...WIFE KNOWS EVERYTHING.

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"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony

"Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus

It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.

Atanvarno

Now that one cracked me up

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Memorization is a poor excuse for intelligence." - Cesar Martinez-Garza (1973 ->) -

ratbastid

Um... WTF??

Das ARF! Voof! Achtung: Bark!

jwoody

Aaron A. Aardvark - Builders. Not very good, but first in the book.

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Lloyd

hehehehe

Great stuff

BigBlueWrecking

Wife knows everything....funny stuff. True, but funny

viveleroi0

free german speaking dog huh.

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"It's not that I don't understand, it's that I don't care"
- Homer Simpson

manalone

He He

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Man Alone
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Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary.

grumpyolddude

good stuff, Bill!

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"Regret can be a harder pill to swallow than failure .With failure you at least know you gave it a chance..." David Howard

pangavan

ratbastid

I had a dog like that, he was trained for security and only took commands in German

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He is, moreover, a frequent drunkard, a glutton, and a patron of ladies who are no better than they should be.

txgirl

those were good...love the bull one!

opentocomments

lol good stuff

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How do we know that the sky is not green and we are all color-blind?

steelerz

Good ones...loved the sneaky neighbors dog