The_Jazz

In 2005, a firm from Atlanta is hired to do work in Saudi Arabia and sends three of it's best workers to oversee the job onsite. All three guys, knowing that they won't be able to buy it there, smuggle enough booze with them to last the 3 weeks they'll be there. Atlanta being the metropolitan city it is, all three are fans different SEC schools, one from Florida, one from Alabama and one from Tennessee.

One night, as they do every night after work, the three men gather to talk about football (since that's what they talk about at home anyway) and drink (since that's what they do at home anyway). Unbeknownst to them, one of their subcontractors has turned them in to the Cultural Police for consuming alcohol. The judge, as staunch a Muslim as Clarence Darrow was a Christian, imposes the maximum sentence of death since the three had worked their way through most of a case of whiskey during the month of Ramadan.

Luckily the American embassy catches wind of their cases and immediately goes to work trying to save their lives. Even luckier, the King is celebrating his birthday that week and is already scheduled to grant clemency to several other prisoners in a mass audience. The embassy manages to get the three guys into the audience, where they will hear their new sentence.

The king, already informed as to who these three miscreants are, calls each of them individually before him to explain their crimes before he casts sentence. Owing the American ambassador a favor, the king has already decided to commute each sentence to 20 lashes and deportation, a veritable slap on the wrist in Saudi Arabia.

He calls the first one, the Florida fan, and listens to the weak explanation for violating one of Saudi Arabia's most basic laws. Since the worker apparently didn't know that bringing alcohol into the country was illegal, the king offers to grant one wish before imposing the sentence. "Well, your highness", the worker answers, "I'd like to have a pillow tied to my back when I'm lashed." The king sighs and says, "It shall be done, but I must warn you that the lash will cut through the pillow in no more that 10 strokes. Away with him!".

The Alabama fan is next and gives the same weak answer for polluting Saudi society with the forbidden alcohol, and the king grants him the same single wish before the sentence is imposed. This 'Bama fan, being smarter than the average of his ilk, asks for two pillows to be tied to his back. The king smiles the same sad smile he gave the Florida fan and says, "It shall be done, but the pillows will probably last no more than 15 strokes. Take him away!"

The Tennessee fan is now called before the throne. When asked why he dared to bring alcohol to the ancestral home of Muhammed, the Tennessee fan smiles and says, "Your highness, I appologize for not informing my coworkers that alcohol is forbidden here. You see, we were drinking Jack Daniels whiskey, which is one of the world's finest ones and made just down the road from my birthplace. It was my way of bringing a little piece of home with me, and I can promise you that we would never have offered any Muslim any and are appalled that any knew that we even had any." Struck by the simplicity and courtesy behind this answer, the king grants two wishes to the Tennessee fan.

Upon hearing this, the man thanks the king and says, "Your highness, for my first wish, I request 100 lashes." The king gasps and says, "Sir, that many lashes would cut through one man and partially through another. Why would you want such a thing?" The Tennessee fan smiles and says, "Sire, my Voluteers lost to Florida and Alabama and didn't make it to a bowl this year for the first time in 21 years. Since my coworkers are Florida and Alabama fans, I'd like the two of them tied to my back, with the Gator on the outside."

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"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

maleficent

heh heh heh..

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ratbastid

That's a whole lot of joke for not very much punchline.

The_Jazz

Ratty, I think your inner Scrooge is showing...

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

absorbentishe

Saw it coming, but funny anyway!