Racer

A U.S. Marine squad was marching north of Faluijiah when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist, badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in a similar but less serious state.

The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened.

The Marine reported, "I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road.

"I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein is a miserable, lowlife scumbag, and he yelled back that Ted Kennedy is a good-for-nothing, fat, left wing liberal drunk." .

"So I said that Osama Bin Ladin dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited lesbian!

He retaliated by yelling, Oh yeah? Well, so does Hillary Clinton!"


"And, there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a truck hit us!"

Deltona Couple

I LOVED THAT ONE!

Here's another one.

An army batallion was marching through the deserts of Iraq, when they came to a hill, where a single Marine stood on top, giving the finger to the General. The general looked at the Captain and said " Send a couple of soldiers up there and kill that Marine!" The Captain sent 5 soldiers over the hill, there was some gunfire, and then the Marine came back on top and gave the General the finger again, apparently unharmed. This upset the General even more, so he told the Captain to send an entire squad to kill the lone Marine. as the squad crossed over the hill, there again was gunfire, with screams and all. AGAIN the lone Marine topped the hill and gave the General TWO fingers! The General was INFURIATED and told the captain to send an entire platoon of soldiers over the hill. As the Platoon went over the other side, HUGE amounts of funfire and yelling ensued. A short time later the Marine AGAIN stood on top of the hill and mooned the General. Having had enough, the General ordered the Captain to PERSONALLY take the rest of the Batallion of soldiers of the hill and "bring me that Marines head!" The whole Batallion charged over the hill screaming and yelling, guns blazing. A few moments later the Captain come crawling over the hill, dragging himself due to the missing leg. As he approached the feet of the General the lone Marine stood on top of the hill and wagged his penis at the General. The general grabbed the Captain and asked him what the hell happened. With his last dying breath the Captain looked at the General and said....."It was a trap!! There were TWO OF THEM!"

HarHarHar...

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"It is not that I have failed, but that I have found 10,000 ways that it DOESN'T work!" --Thomas Edison

nrclark

love it ...

Daniel_

Great joke - it's been doing the rounds for years. I first heard it (no lie) as the tale of the English army trying to invade Scotland under Edward Longshanks - told by my history teacher almost thirty years ago.

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Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
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The_Dunedan

An Army Private marches ten miles in the rain with a forty-pound ruck. "Man," he says, "I hate this shit."

An Airborne Ranger marches twelve miles in the rain with a forty-five pound ruck and on one meal a day. "Fuck, man!" he says, "This life is the shit!"

A SEAL swims fifteen miles downriver with a fifty-pound pack, a double ammo load, and the kitchen sink, kills an enemy sentry with his knife, and low-crawls 800 yards in the mud to avoid being observed. "I -love- this shit!" he says, awaiting extraction.

A Recon Marine Sniper waits for a week in a hastily-dug hide for a single shot. By the time he gets it, he's considering eating bugs. "Wow." He thinks to himself. "I really dig this shit."

An Air Force 2nd Looie sits down at his desk and yells "My computer's not working? What IS this shit!?"

mazak

lmao hilarious thanks alot!!!!

Acetylene

Yeah I heard the Scottish version of the "two of them" joke, too. It's a good one because youc an retell it for any audience.

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There's no justice. There's just us.