LoganSnake

DRESS CODE



You are advised to come to work dressed according to your

salary.



- If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying Gucci handbags,

we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not

need a raise.



- If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage you money

better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore, do not need a

raise.



- If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be

and therefore, do not need a raise.



SICK DAYS



We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of

sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to

work.



PERSONAL DAYS



Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year, also

referred to as Saturdays & Sundays.



BEREAVEMENT LEAVE



There is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do

for dead friends, relatives, or co-workers. Every effort should be

made to have non-employees attend to the funeral arrangements. In rare

cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be

scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work

through your lunch hour and subsequently leave on hour early.



BATHROOM BREAKS



Too much time is being spent on the toilet. There is

now a strict three minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of 3

minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall

door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense,

your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the

"Chronic Offenders" category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be

referred to the company's mental health facility.



LUNCH BREAK



-Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat

more, so that they can look healthy.



- Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced

meal to maintain their average figure.



- Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch because that's all the

time needed to drink a slim-fast.



Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to

provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions,

comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations,

insinuations, allegations, accusations, consternation and input

should be directed elsewhere.



Management

__________________
Maturity is knowing you were an idiot in the past. Wisdom is knowing that you'll be an idiot in the future. Common sense is knowing that you should try not to be an idiot now. - J. Jacques

Brewmaniac

The future of business is coming to some of this sooner than later! LOL

__________________
"That's a joke... I say, that's a joke, son"

Racer

This is great. As a manager, I'm tempted to send it out to my folks.

LoganSnake

I say do it.

__________________
Maturity is knowing you were an idiot in the past. Wisdom is knowing that you'll be an idiot in the future. Common sense is knowing that you should try not to be an idiot now. - J. Jacques