How to write good. - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Toaster126 · 06-25-2006, 10:48 AM

Thought this was funny enough to share...

http://www.datatek.net/Humor/How%20to%20write%20good

How to write good

1. Avoid alliteration. Always.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
4. Employ the vernacular.
5. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
7. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
8. Contractions aren't necessary.
9. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
10. One should never generalize.
11. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
12. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
13. Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
14. Be more or less specific.
15. Understatement is always best.
16. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
17. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
18. The passive voice is to be avoided.
19. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
20. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
21. Who needs rhetorical questions?
22. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

Carno · 06-25-2006, 11:29 AM

Haha... Good shit.

cierah · 06-25-2006, 11:47 AM

Funny - yet strangly useful.

nrclark · 06-25-2006, 06:16 PM

LOL ... very creative!

HLP · 06-28-2006, 06:42 PM

I like them all. Too bad not all of them sound grammatically wrong to me.

Back to 10th grade English!

blahblah454 · 06-29-2006, 12:27 AM

Please tell me you got that HLP.

Thats gotta be one of the funniest things Ive read in a while! Good stuff.

healer · 06-29-2006, 02:37 AM

My old highschool English teacher would have a field day with these.

Thanks for the chuckle.

Silvy · 06-29-2006, 04:49 AM

nice indeed!

Redlemon · 06-29-2006, 08:44 AM

I'm more familiar with an older version of this; I think it was even in Strunk & White:

Quote:

1. Always check your speling carefully.

2. Your a careful writer! Check to see if you any words out of a sentence.

3. Always punctuate, appropriately taking special care in the use of commas

4. Avoid tautology, that is, repetitive unnecessary and redundant words surplus to requirements.

5. Make sure that you had noun/verb agreement so that all tenses is correct.

6. When your writing, its vital to use apostrophes’ correctly.

7. There is a distinct risk that if you let your sentences ramble on through many sub-clauses and parentheses (necessary, as these may be to qualify what you want to say) you may make your readers forget — in their effort to grasp the drift of the sentence — what it was you began your sentence by saying.

8. Never abbrev.

9. Basically, you should look to express yourself clearly, hopefully avoiding clichés and jargon, as far as meaningful discourse.

10. Avoid mixed metaphors, so that your readers do not go off the rails and lose sight of the goal posts while taking a leap in the dark into a Pandora’s box of red herrings.

11. If your brain comes up with an ambiguous sentence, get rid of it and replace it with a better one.

12. Having eventually discovered how to put words together, the sentence should not have hanging phrases.

captobvious · 07-15-2006, 12:10 PM

Fantastically funny. Forever.

pornclerk · 07-15-2006, 09:00 PM

I found the title of this forum funny actually "how to write good." It seems like a pun because it shows you how to write well, yet the title grammatically doesn't make sense. It should be "How to Write Well." I don't know if anyone else thought that but I found it kind of funny.

muckluck · 07-16-2006, 08:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pornclerk

I found the title of this forum funny actually "how to write good." It seems like a pun because it shows you how to write well, yet the title grammatically doesn't make sense. It should be "How to Write Well." I don't know if anyone else thought that but I found it kind of funny.

I thought that myself. And it was hilarious!

captobvious · 07-16-2006, 08:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pornclerk

I found the title of this forum funny actually "how to write good." It seems like a pun because it shows you how to write well, yet the title grammatically doesn't make sense. It should be "How to Write Well." I don't know if anyone else thought that but I found it kind of funny.

Yeah, I caught that too and thought it was funny. It's not a pun though. A pun is play on words. Something more like, "That's punny." The title is like the rest of the items on the list. They're funny because of the irony. They state rules while breaking them at the same time.

06-25-2006, 10:48 AM	#1 (permalink)
Toaster126 Extreme moderation Location: Kansas City, yo.	How to write good. Thought this was funny enough to share... http://www.datatek.net/Humor/How%20to%20write%20good How to write good 1. Avoid alliteration. Always. 2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with. 3. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.) 4. Employ the vernacular. 5. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc. 6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary. 7. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive. 8. Contractions aren't necessary. 9. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos. 10. One should never generalize. 11. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know." 12. Comparisons are as bad as cliches. 13. Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous. 14. Be more or less specific. 15. Understatement is always best. 16. One-word sentences? Eliminate. 17. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake. 18. The passive voice is to be avoided. 19. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms. 20. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed. 21. Who needs rhetorical questions? 22. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement. __________________ "The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." (Ayn Rand) "The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)

06-25-2006, 11:29 AM	#2 (permalink)
Carno Junkie	Haha... Good shit. __________________ http://how-to-spell-ridiculous.com/

06-25-2006, 11:47 AM	#3 (permalink)
cierah Crazy Location: Canada	Funny - yet strangly useful. __________________ "You can close your eyes to reality but not to memories" -Stainslaw J. Lec

06-29-2006, 04:49 AM	#8 (permalink)
Silvy paranoid Location: The Netherlands	nice indeed! __________________ "Do not kill. Do not rape. Do not steal. These are principles which every man of every faith can embrace. " - Murphy MacManus (Boondock Saints)

07-15-2006, 09:00 PM	#11 (permalink)
pornclerk Insane Location: Ontario, Canada	I found the title of this forum funny actually "how to write good." It seems like a pun because it shows you how to write well, yet the title grammatically doesn't make sense. It should be "How to Write Well." I don't know if anyone else thought that but I found it kind of funny. __________________ Who wants a twig when you can have the whole tree?

06-25-2006, 06:16 PM	#4 (permalink)
nrclark Tilted Location: Canada	LOL ... very creative!

06-28-2006, 06:42 PM	#5 (permalink)
HLP Crazy	I like them all. Too bad not all of them sound grammatically wrong to me. Back to 10th grade English!

06-29-2006, 12:27 AM	#6 (permalink)
blahblah454 Let's put a smile on that face Location: On the road...	Please tell me you got that HLP. Thats gotta be one of the funniest things Ive read in a while! Good stuff.

07-15-2006, 12:10 PM	#10 (permalink)
captobvious Insane Location: Somewhere	Fantastically funny. Forever.