Fundamentals of Golf - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Racer · 06-07-2006, 03:46 AM

Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.

Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing.

When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.

If you're afraid a full shot might reach the green while the foursome ahead of you is still putting out, you have two options: you can immediately shank a lay-up or you can wait until the green is clear and top a ball halfway there.

The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing

No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.
The inevitable result of any golf lesson is the instant elimination of the one critical unconscious motion that allowed you to compensate for all of your many other errors.

If it ain't broke, try changing your grip.

Golfers who claim they don't cheat also lie.

Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot.

A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponents luck.

It is surprisingly easy to hole a fifty foot putt ....for an 8.

Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.

Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.

It's not a gimme if you're still away.

The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.

There are two kinds of bounces; unfair bounces and bounces just the way you meant to play it.

You can hit a two acre fairway 10% of the time and a two-inch branch 90% of the time.

If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.

The game of golf is 90% mental and 10% mental.

Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually the beginning of the next group of three.

When you look up, causing an awful shot, you will always look down again at
exactly the moment when you ought to start watching the ball if you ever want to see it again.

Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.

If you want to hit a 7 iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try to lay up just short of a water hazard.

There are two things you can learn by stopping your back-swing at the top and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have, and which one is wearing the glove.

Hazards attract, fairways repel.

You can put a draw on the ball, you can put a fade on the ball, but no golfer can put a straight on the ball.

A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.

If there is a ball in the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is in the bunker. If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint.

aphex140 · 06-07-2006, 05:26 AM

fantastic as a sufferer of the game that had me in stitches

Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually the beginning of the next group of three.

ratbastid · 06-07-2006, 07:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Racer

Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.

Oh man, that's EXACTLY the round I played this weekend. Talk about a good walk spoiled!

nrclark · 06-08-2006, 07:42 AM

they are so true ... sadly, so true

SirLance · 06-09-2006, 02:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Racer

The inevitable result of any golf lesson is the instant elimination of the one critical unconscious motion that allowed you to compensate for all of your many other errors.

Now that's a fact, jack...

Racer, I REALLY enjoyed the list. I laughed my ass off, but everything in there is absolutely true.

clifclav · 06-14-2006, 08:34 AM

When you look up, causing an awful shot, you will always look down again at
exactly the moment when you ought to start watching the ball if you ever want to see it again.

that one got a chuckle out of me

edmos1 · 06-14-2006, 09:27 AM

who was watching me play when they wrote this?

If you're afraid a full shot might reach the green while the foursome ahead of you is still putting out, you have two options: you can immediately shank a lay-up or you can wait until the green is clear and top a ball halfway there.

that is my game exactly

06-07-2006, 03:46 AM	#1 (permalink)
Racer Upright Location: Pensacola	Fundamentals of Golf Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it. Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing. When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls. If you're afraid a full shot might reach the green while the foursome ahead of you is still putting out, you have two options: you can immediately shank a lay-up or you can wait until the green is clear and top a ball halfway there. The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse. The inevitable result of any golf lesson is the instant elimination of the one critical unconscious motion that allowed you to compensate for all of your many other errors. If it ain't broke, try changing your grip. Golfers who claim they don't cheat also lie. Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot. A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponents luck. It is surprisingly easy to hole a fifty foot putt ....for an 8. Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut. Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts. It's not a gimme if you're still away. The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree. There are two kinds of bounces; unfair bounces and bounces just the way you meant to play it. You can hit a two acre fairway 10% of the time and a two-inch branch 90% of the time. If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age. The game of golf is 90% mental and 10% mental. Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually the beginning of the next group of three. When you look up, causing an awful shot, you will always look down again at exactly the moment when you ought to start watching the ball if you ever want to see it again. Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe. If you want to hit a 7 iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try to lay up just short of a water hazard. There are two things you can learn by stopping your back-swing at the top and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have, and which one is wearing the glove. Hazards attract, fairways repel. You can put a draw on the ball, you can put a fade on the ball, but no golfer can put a straight on the ball. A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours. If there is a ball in the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is in the bunker. If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint.

06-07-2006, 05:26 AM	#2 (permalink)
aphex140 Psycho Location: northamptonshire	fantastic as a sufferer of the game that had me in stitches Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually the beginning of the next group of three. __________________ Computers allow us to make more mistakes at a faster rate than any other man-made thing, with the exception of handguns and tequila. [/QUOTE=BAMF]Do they role a die, with a 1/3 chance of being flacid?[/QUOTE]

06-14-2006, 08:34 AM	#6 (permalink)
clifclav absolute relativist Location: D.C.	When you look up, causing an awful shot, you will always look down again at exactly the moment when you ought to start watching the ball if you ever want to see it again. that one got a chuckle out of me __________________ Neither rain , nor cold, nor dark of night shall.......ahh whatever, just get me a beer!

06-08-2006, 07:42 AM	#4 (permalink)
nrclark Tilted Location: Canada	they are so true ... sadly, so true

06-14-2006, 09:27 AM	#7 (permalink)
edmos1 Daddy Location: Right next door to Hell	who was watching me play when they wrote this? If you're afraid a full shot might reach the green while the foursome ahead of you is still putting out, you have two options: you can immediately shank a lay-up or you can wait until the green is clear and top a ball halfway there. that is my game exactly