Manhood Rules - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Ample · 05-23-2006, 09:16 AM

I found this somewhere and got a good laugh out of it.

Rules Of Manhood
01: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella

02: It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss' car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
e. When she is using her teeth.

03: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

04: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

05: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

06: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

07: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional.

08: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

09: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel ..and it's free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!

22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.

25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

26: Thou shall not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.

28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever

Gabbyness · 05-23-2006, 09:40 AM

Hilarious!

nmm · 05-23-2006, 10:26 AM

lol Nice...

Redlemon · 05-23-2006, 10:31 AM

Tilted Forum Project - The Rules of "MANHOOD"
Tilted Forum Project - The Men Commandments
Tilted Forum Project - Commandments for men
Tilted Forum Project - Rules for Men *may offend*

Easy to find with a search on "speedos bladder".

Bill O'Rights · 05-23-2006, 10:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Redlemon

Easy to find with a search on "speedos bladder".

$20 says that those particular words, placed together in that particular pattern, to form that particular sentence...have never before been used in the entire history of human language.

Redlemon · 05-23-2006, 11:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by "speedos bladder" - Google Search

Your search - "speedos bladder" - did not match any documents.

Suggestions:

* Make sure all words are spelled correctly.
* Try different keywords.
* Try more general keywords.

However, there are 26,200 hits if I remove the quotes, including... Speedos: Inside the Erotic Mind - an adult forum for sharing sex tips, information, and discussions.

Things I didn't really want to think about.

Toaster126 · 05-23-2006, 02:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Redlemon

However, there are 26,200 hits if I remove the quotes, including... Speedos: Inside the Erotic Mind - an adult forum for sharing sex tips, information, and discussions.

Things I didn't really want to think about.

BAH! You know I have a very active imagination!

BigBen · 05-23-2006, 02:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Redlemon

However, there are 26,200 hits if I remove the quotes, including... Speedos: Inside the Erotic Mind - an adult forum for sharing sex tips, information, and discussions.

Things I didn't really want to think about.

It took a little bit of willpower to not click on that link, but I am sure that I am a better person NOT knowing the content of that internet page...

Speedos: Inside the erotic Mind? I mean, what the fuck...

Redlemon · 05-23-2006, 02:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BigBen

It took a little bit of willpower to not click on that link, but I am sure that I am a better person NOT knowing the content of that internet page...

Speedos: Inside the erotic Mind? I mean, what the fuck...

And let me remind you... the word 'bladder' also appears on that page.

C'mon, click the link, you know you want to...

05-23-2006, 09:16 AM	#1 (permalink)
Ample Psycho Location: In your closet	Manhood Rules I found this somewhere and got a good laugh out of it. Rules Of Manhood 01: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella 02: It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances: a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master. b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse. c. After wrecking your boss' car. d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game". e. When she is using her teeth. 03: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies. 04: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours. 05: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her. 06: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable. 07: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. 08: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest. 09: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing. 10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend. 11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel ..and it's free. 12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts. 13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked. 14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed. 15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything. 16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers. 17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight. 18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy. 19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer. 20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response. 21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights: a. Yeah, Baby, Push it! b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder! c. Another set and we can hit the showers! 22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need. 23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary. 24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs. 25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours. 26: Thou shall not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue. 27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story. 28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever

05-23-2006, 09:40 AM	#2 (permalink)
Gabbyness Chicken scratch. Location: Japan!!!	Hilarious! __________________ One, two, three, four, fiiiiiiiifth.

05-23-2006, 10:26 AM	#3 (permalink)
nmm Tilted	lol Nice... __________________ Nihilistic Mad Man... Gallic Hedonist... Freak of Nature...

05-23-2006, 10:31 AM	#4 (permalink)
Redlemon Devoted Donor Location: New England	Tilted Forum Project - The Rules of "MANHOOD" Tilted Forum Project - The Men Commandments Tilted Forum Project - Commandments for men Tilted Forum Project - Rules for Men may offend Easy to find with a search on "speedos bladder". __________________ I can't read your signature. Sorry.