JadziaDax

"Today more al Qaeda and Taliban prisoners were flown to Guantanamo Bay in Cuba. On the plane they are bound, sedated and chained to their chairs - > or, as Continental calls it, 'coach'."
-- Jay Leno


"My only hope is when those terrorists get to Heaven, they meet up with the kind of virgins we had in Catholic school: Sister Mike Ditka from Our Mother of Eternal Retribution."
-- Robin Williams


"Counter-terrorism experts say that Osama bin Laden may be hiding secret messages on pornographic websites. You know what that means ... Clinton could find this guy before Bush."
-- Jay Leno


" A hundred-thousand Germans are protesting because they don't like the idea of the U.S. expanding the war. Here's how it works: the Germans don't like any war that they don't start."
-- David Letterman


"The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying, 'Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses.' She's got a baseball bat and she's yelling, 'You want a piece of me?'"
-- Robin Williams


"After an exhaustive six-month investigation, the Defense Minister of France said today that Osama bin Laden is either still in hiding in Afghanistan, he may have escaped to Pakistan, or he may be dead. Hey, France, thanks a lot. We'll take it from here, okay? Hard to believe you ere invaded, twice."
-- Jay Leno


"I know they're willing to die for their cause, but are they willing to take a hot poker up the ass?"
-- Comedian Al Franken, on coaxing information from terrorist suspects


"Some human rights groups are complaining that the al Qaeda detainees in Guantanamo Bay are being treated inhumanely. Oh please! They're in the Caribbean in January, okay? Add some goats and sheep to the place and they'd think it was Temptation Island."
-- Jay Leno


"French troops arrived in Afghanistan last week and not a minute too soon: the French are acting as advisers to the remaining Taliban, to teach them how to surrender properly."
-- Jay Leno


"According to military analysts, an invasion of Iraq by U.S. forces could cost between $20 and $50 billion. The Pentagon announced it would offset those costs by selling sponsorships, so the impending conflict will be named 'The Verizon Wireless/Pizza Hut War Against Iraq'."
-- Tina Fey, Saturday Night Live's Weekend Update


"In California, 50 women protested the impending war with Iraq by lying on the ground naked and spelling out the word "peace." Right idea, wrong president."
-- Jay Leno

Flesh

hahaha, funny ones.

gfandy

Nice collection, especially the last one.

clifclav

good ones all. thanks

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Neither rain , nor cold, nor dark of night shall.......ahh whatever, just get me a beer!

joshibahn

Nice, but I am worried about the Taliban porn...

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TFP=heaven

Heaven, n 1: the abode of God and the angels and the souls of those who have gained salvation 2: any place of complete bliss and delight and peace [syn: eden, paradise, nirvana, promised land, Shangri-la]