Reminds me of a similar joke...

What is the difference between the circus and (insert female band or group here)?

One has cunning stunts, the other...

NO DEAD BABY JOKES. AT ALL.

next one is an outright ban.

I AGREE!!!!!!!

hehehehe........ nice one...

What's the difference between a nun and a prostitute in a bath?
The nun has a soul full of hope...

What's the difference between fish and mountain goats?
Fish muck around in fountains...

Those are great!

What's the difference between an epileptic oyster and a whore with diarrhea?
One you shuck between fits...

So a Priest and a pedafile walk into a bar, and that's just the first guy! *badaba ching*

Why did the cowboy screw his sheep on cliffs?
so the sheep pushed back!

I use to date a midget. I was nuts over her!

Three cowboys and a cymbal walk into a bar.

Ba-dum-bum-tssssss.

From Bob and Tom this morning:

What's the last thing a drummer says when he's in a band?
Hey fellas, I wrote a couple of songs...

How do roadies know the stage is level?
There's drool coming out of both side of the drummers mouth.

And one from somewhere else:
How do you get a base player off your porch?
Pay him for the pizza.

dont know if it's been used yet but a favorite of mine is still
2 guys walk into a bar, it's kinda funny, you'd think the second one would have seen it coming.

kick ass thread

Dingalingalinglon
 

A recent study revealed that 85% of all Japanese men have cataracts.
The rest drive Rincons and Chevrorays.


What? Thats funny!

lol


Thats not funny!

okay so it is....

lol

that's all bad man :]]

Whats teh difference between an iraqi soldier and a british soldier?

you dont know?? Welcome to the US airforce!

Chemsitry joke (possible groaner)
 

So this cop stops a guy who was speeding. He says "Excuse me sir, do you know how fast you were going?"
"No, but i know where i am!"


(electron uncertainty principle)

Tony Randel(Felix Unger from tv's The Odd Couple) told this on the Jhonny Carson Show about 25 years ago.

Q: What's the difference between a stick-up and a hold-up?

A: Age

Q: What did the seven dwarfs say when the prince awakened Snow White?

A: “I guess it’s back to jerking off.”

What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?





Christopher Walken...

I'm going to hell for sure...

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his zipper.

The bartender says, “Hey! Did you know you have a steering wheel attached to your willie?”

The pirate replies, “Aye! It’s driving me nuts!”

A woman asks her husband, “Do you love me only because my father died and left me a fortune?”

“Of course not,” he says. “I’d love you no matter who left you the money.”

What has two legs and bleeds profusely?

Half of a cat.

small?
 

Q: what (3) (2)-letter words mean small?












A: is it in

ROFL


Ouch,thats harsh :)

LOL

b-b-b-B-B-BRUTAL!

ahha hahahhaaa !!! good one.

now this is small.....

My friends and I were talking about our sex lives..... when It came to names for things.... I told the fellas that my wife calls her pussy.... Miss wiskers..... They all laugh. Then one says "my wife calls hers YET ........ she is always asking "is it in YET?"

poor poor man

HAHAHAHA i almost killed myself reading this thread :)

Fortune Cookie
 

Did ja hear about the redneck fortune cookie?


It's a piece of cornbread with a food stamp baked inside.

these might be risque, but i heard them today. they aren't exactly racial, but nowadays, it takes very little to offend anyone. if it offends anyone, i'm sorry. pm me and i'll remove it.

Q. What do you call a mexican who got his car stolen?
A. Car-los

Q. What do you call 2 mexicans playing basketball?
A. Juan-on-Juan

Q. What do you call a mexican with no car?
A. Juaquin

oh yeah, these jokes were told to me by a mexican friend. plus i didn't find it too offensive as it is only a play on their names.

Confucious on baseball: "Man with four balls cannot walk."

There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and shithead's

"How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?"

Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes, and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?

Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?

Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been."



To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little._____
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all

The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.

1. If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty liter?



2. If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?



3. How did a fool and his money get together?



4. How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?



5. If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?



6. What's another word for thesaurus?



7. Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?



8. What do they use to ship styrofoam?



9. Why is abbreviation such a long word?



10. Why is there an expiration date on my sour cream container?



11. Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?



12. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?



13. When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?



14. Does fuzzy logic tickle?



15. Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?



16. What was the best thing before sliced bread?



17. "Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted."



18. If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?



19. Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?



20. What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?



21. Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?



22. Is it possible to be totally partial?



23. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?


24. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?


25. Why do steam irons have a permanent press setting?


26. Can you be a closet claustrophobic?


27. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?


28. Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?


29. If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?


30. If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?


31. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?


32. When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?


33. Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?


34. If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?


35. Why is the word abbreviation so long?


36. When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?


37. If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 a piece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards.

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

What's brown and sticky?
 

A stick.

sk

what's big, red and eats rocks?

A BIG RED... ROCK... eater.... i'll go