whats the difference between a vagina and a penis?
a vagina is inside out

how many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

it dosen't matter, their never going to change anything.

Why does a seagull only fly over the sea?


cause if it flew over the bay it'd be a bagel

Whats do walmart and michael jackson have in common?


Both have little boys pants half off....

heeh sorry a bad one but oh so good:)

A husband and wife are cooing over their new born baby.
"Look at the size of his todger," says the man. "It's massive!"
"Yes dear," says the woman. "But at least he's got your ears."

Two jumper cables walk into a bar. The bartender says, "All right, I'll serve you, but don't start anything!"

edit, spelling

Why was Hellen Keller such a bad driver?

Because she was a woman!

What did Helen Keller's mom make her do when she swore?

Wash her hands.

Did you hear about the dyslexic, atheist, insomniac?

He stayed up all night wondering if there really was a Dog.

<budda-bing>

What did one lesbian vampire say to another after sex?









See you next month :p

A fish is swimming along and bumps his head.









Dam, he says.

Well, let me start by saying I'm sorry for these.....

Why isn't there a white history month?
They have Presidents Day.

Why did god make shopping carts?
So woman could walk on there hind legs

What do you call a school bus full of white kids?
A Twinkie

Why do men have that little hole in the end of their dick?
So they can get oxygen to their brains.


Remember folks, I have a mind like a steel trap. Things wander in and get horrible mangled......

And with that, I will duck and cover now....

good one!

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing. You already told her twice.

Please don't hate me. I'd never hit a woman. I heard the joke today though and I could not stop laughing.

How many militant feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to change the light lightbulb, and one to suck my dick.




- borrowed from Drew Carey's "Dirty Jokes and Beer" - thought it was witty enough to include - made me laugh, anyway (apologies to all militant feminists or their supporters)

Awesome thread.

Q: How many cockroaches does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: No one will ever know. As soon as you turn the light on, they scatter.

Q. What did the distressed dyslexic rabbi say?

A. Yo.

Did you hear about the two satillites that got married?


There wasnt much of a ceremony but the reception was great

lol

Re: One liners thread!!!
 

I liked that one a lot..

Went in a totally different direction than I would have thought; nice. :)

Two birds sitting on a perch.

One says to the other "smells of fish"!!!!

How do you know a stoner crashed at your house?

He's still there.

Why do brides wear white?

So the dishwasher matches the fridge and the stove.

what do you find inside a clean nose?


fingerprints.

Q: How does a man take a bubble bath?
A: He eats beans for dinner.

Clyde walks into the doctors office and sticks out his nine-inch tongue.
The nurse goes, "Ahhhhh..."

How long does it take an english woman to have a shit?

About nine months.

Hear about the blind seamstress?
She couldn't mend straight.

(post menopausal joke...sorry)

What's the difference between a carp and a lawer?

One's a scum sucking bottom feeder. The other is a fish.

A man walks into a bar with crocodile on a leash. He asks the barkeep if they serve lawers, and the bartender say they most certainly do. So the guy orders a beer for himself, and a lawer for the croc.

why is beer better than women??


beer is ALWAYS wet !!

A proctologist needs to write something down and pulls out an anal thermometer, and says “Damn it!!! Some asshole has my pen.”

The head of the Log Cabin Republicans visited my school.

He told us this little anecdote (I know its not a one-liner but what the hell)...

Him: "ummmmm Dad, I'm gay."

*Pause*

Dad: "That's okay son, I still love you. Let's go watch the baseball game."

Next year...

Him: "ummmmm Dad, I'm a republican."

*Pause*

...and then he went on to say that his dad has been in therapy ever since.

:lol:

Q: What did one tampon say to the other tampon?
A: Nothing, they were both stuck up bitches.

Did ya hear about the dyslexic Devil worshipper?

He sold his soul to Santa

-=shikamaru=- - Glad you got it. I hope you're not the only one. Funny story about the guy coming to your school


Huang_Gai - So wrong and yet so funny. I've been getting a lot of milage out of that one.

This is my favorite thread!!!!

Crikey.. this thread just keeps getting better, well longer anyways.

Why is the area between a womans breasts and her hips called a waist?
'Cause you could fit another pair of breasts in there....


and

whats the definition of an drunken Italian jet fighter pilot breaking the sound barrier?

"Hi, tiddly Eyetie, boom,boom.

Q. Why did the cat cross the road.

A. Because it was stapled to the chicken

How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. But I've got no idea how they got in there.

so a polack, a rabbi, a lesbian, a horse & 2 monkeys walk into a bar.

the bartender says, "what is this, some kinda joke?"

A Flasher is walking in a park and sees two old women and exposes himself
one has a stroke the other can't reach it