maleficent

Rule #1: When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.

Rule #2: If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. By-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?" Again, no one knows why.

Rule #3: If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.

Rule #4: Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes. I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.

Rule #5: You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out.If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.

Rule #6: Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs. If you do, it will sit in a cupboard for 23 years. Real men drink whiskey or beer.

Rule #7: Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after shave or deodorant. I'm told they do not stink - they are earthy.

Rule #8: Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. "Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink." You get the idea. No one knows why.

Rule #9: Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on the box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left over.

Rule #10: Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire. (NAPA Auto Parts and Sears' Clearance Centers are also excellent men's stores. It doesn't matter if he doesn't know what it is. "From NAPA Auto,eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks."

Rule #11 Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but they will barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?"

Rule #12: Tickets to a Patriots game are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts." Everyone knows why.

Rule #13: Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chainsaw. If you don't know why - please refer to Rule #8 and what happens when he gets a label maker.

Rule #14: It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a step ladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.

Rule #15: Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least The Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8" manilla rope. No one knows why.

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Jinn

Man I suck.. I totally don't want any of that shit

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"I'm typing on a computer of science, which is being sent by science wires to a little science server where you can access it. I'm not typing on a computer of philosophy or religion or whatever other thing you think can be used to understand the universe because they're a poor substitute in the role of understanding the universe which exists independent from ourselves." - Willravel

maleficent

that's it - turn in your man-card...

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fresnelly

"Some Assembly Required" is the fun part, unless of course its for someone else.

Also, I like socks just fine thank you.

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Building an artificial intelligence that appreciates Mozart is easy. Building an A.I. that appreciates a theme restaurant is the real challenge - Kit Roebuck - Nine Planets Without Intelligent Life

God of Thunder

Oh we know why, we're just not telling you.







OK, we don't know either...shhhhhh, don't tell

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I reject your reality, and substitute my own

-- Adam Savage

Dilbert1234567

label the label maker, i do that at work all the time.

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Donate Blood!

"Love is not finding the perfect person, but learning to see an imperfect person perfectly." -Sam Keen

Redlemon

A New England-based sports team? Why, Mal, I'm pleasantly surprised. You may be coming around after all!

(I like ties. My mom and mother-in-law give me ties. I can't wait until Tigger tries to find me ties.)

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I can't read your signature. Sorry.

maleficent

further proofof my insanity...

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Sultana

LOL! I always have a hard time finding gifts for my man-friends. No longer!

Note: I *actually* laughed out loud for a few of these.

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"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath.
At night, the ice weasels come." -

Matt Groening

My goal? To fulfill my potential.

Bossnass

I found my second cordless drill handy (no need to change from drill bit to driver), but I returned the third.

Last fall I got to assemble a bbq that was a gift. I used my cordless drill and my socket set.

Hektore

you forgot Cabela's and Gander Mountain

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The advantage law is the best law in rugby, because it lets you ignore all the others for the good of the game.

ratbastid

... I'd rather have a good book than the starter for anything.

frogza

No this one is wrong. It becomes a bad idea only when you insist he follow the assembly instructions. And left over parts are evidence of a mans ability to outsmart the manufacturer. For example, "Look at this honey, (insert company name here) needed 15 screws to put this work bench together. I only needed 2 screws and 15 feet of duct tape"

BigBen

"Here Ben, I bought you beer."

The sweetest words ever spoken.

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3.141592654
Hey, if you are impressed with my memorizing pi to 10 digits, you should see the size of my penis.

elle_stusek

after reading this, i am so eager to turn in my man card. although a nice bottle of johnny walker is all ways aprecciated.

you men are so boring.

SirLance

And if you do buy us a big screen TV, you do NOT get to complain that we don't pay enough attention to you because we are watching TV.

And you do NOT get to interrupt us while we watch TV.

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DEMOCRACY is where your vote counts, FEUDALISM is where your count votes.

hotzot

There was nothing about sex on the list. I always try to get sex on my birthday from my better half. I usually get socks. (she says she must have heared me wrong)

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The Bully Boys are here!

Redlemon

"There are things that you wear
When you put on your clothes
There are boys who wear tubes
And girls who wear hose
If you wanna keep me warm
When the freezing cold winds blow
Don't give me your lovin', forget it
Just give me a pair of those
I want your sox"

- from 'I Want Your Sox', the Iceman (aka Travelling Pillsberries, aka Guns 'n Moses)

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I can't read your signature. Sorry.

Charlatan

I could use a ladder or some rope... I already have two cordless drills.

Then again, I like to cook, like to get "some assembly required" packages and like fancy mousturizers and such.

Though I have to admit, Ben's is the best gift of all... beer.

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"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars."
- Old Man Luedecke

analog

I did that at work the day we got in the label maker. I went on a crazy labelling spree... including labelling the label maker.

Redlemon

Which always reminds me of an old Dilbert comic...

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I can't read your signature. Sorry.

Xiomar

HAH! Its all about number 13!

streak_56

I'll take one Rigid drill.... a Metric set of sockets and a natural gas BBQ. Maybe some other tools.... but they're never the right ones.

maleficent

we got ya covered under Rule #6

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im2smrt4u

Car stuff? Meh...

Now bike stuff, that is another story. Any sort of widget for my bike would be perfect!

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Starkizzer Fan Club - President & Founder