Brain Cramps
 

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever."
-- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest


"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.


"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."
-- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.


"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country."
-- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC


"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president."
-- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.


"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it."
-- A congressional candidate in Texas


"I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves."
-- John Wayne


"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
-- Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark


"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
-- Al Gore, Vice President


"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
-- Dan Quayle


"It's no exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way or another"
-- George Bush, US President


"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
-- Lee Iacocca


"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version."
-- Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony


"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
-- Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst


"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
-- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor


"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
-- Bill Clinton, President


"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
-- Al Gore, VP


"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
-- Keppel Enderbery


"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
-- Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina


"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
-- Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

Smart people, I am sad, very sad for them

i never get tired of those things...

"Iraqi head seeks arms"
- some newspaper headline

hehe

These are priceless, Jadzia. Thanks!

Re: Brain Cramps
 

I laughed my ass off at each one of those, but I must say the one above is one of the best ones! Thanks for that.

Some funny stuff in there...I like the Al Gore ones best, because they just further impact the fact that he's a total idiot.

Gold, pure gold!

All of them are classics.

Didn't Yogi Berra say that "Half this game is 90% mental?" I may be wrong.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I just looked it up on this website, it was Yogi Berra who said it.
http://home.att.net/~quotesexchange/yogiberra.html

Glad

those are great