JadziaDax

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever."
-- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest


"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.


"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."
-- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.


"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country."
-- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC


"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president."
-- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.


"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it."
-- A congressional candidate in Texas


"I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves."
-- John Wayne


"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
-- Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark


"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
-- Al Gore, Vice President


"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
-- Dan Quayle


"It's no exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way or another"
-- George Bush, US President


"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
-- Lee Iacocca


"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version."
-- Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony


"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
-- Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst


"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
-- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor


"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
-- Bill Clinton, President


"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
-- Al Gore, VP


"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
-- Keppel Enderbery


"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
-- Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina


"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
-- Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

joshibahn

Smart people, I am sad, very sad for them

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TFP=heaven

Heaven, n 1: the abode of God and the angels and the souls of those who have gained salvation 2: any place of complete bliss and delight and peace [syn: eden, paradise, nirvana, promised land, Shangri-la]

Hotmix

i never get tired of those things...

"Iraqi head seeks arms"
- some newspaper headline

hehe

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Bacon and Cheese!

Peetster

These are priceless, Jadzia. Thanks!

ARRH

I laughed my ass off at each one of those, but I must say the one above is one of the best ones! Thanks for that.

DEI37

Some funny stuff in there...I like the Al Gore ones best, because they just further impact the fact that he's a total idiot.

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Generally speaking, if you were to get what you really deserve, you might be unpleasantly surprised.

Meridae'n

Gold, pure gold!

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What's easier to believe: that a guy was born without sex in the manner of several Greek demigods and grew up to be able to transmute liquids and alter his body density yet couldn't escape government execution, or that three freemasons in a vehicle made with aluminum foil in an era before digital technology escaped our atmosphere, landing on the moon, broadcasted from there, and then flew back without burning up?

Glad-I-Ate-Her

All of them are classics.

Didn't Yogi Berra say that "Half this game is 90% mental?" I may be wrong.

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I just looked it up on this website, it was Yogi Berra who said it.
http://home.att.net/~quotesexchange/yogiberra.html

Glad

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I'm "Glad I Ate Her" because the payback was worth it!!

silverback

those are great