SirLance

Jason wakes up at home with a raging hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits up and notices his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Jason looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless and clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love You!"

He's mighty confused: why isn't he in trouble? He takes the aspirin and gets up.

When he gets to the kitchen, sure enough: there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.

"Good morning," Jason says. "Son, what happened last night?"

His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 a.m., drunk and delirious. You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."

Even more confused, Jason asks, "So, why is mom being so incredibly nice to me?"

His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you said, 'Get your hands off me, bitch! I'm married!'"

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Willravel

fantastic!!! That's just the right combination of light hearted comedy and alcoholism.

Toaster126

Hahaha, that's a good one.

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"The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." (Ayn Rand)
"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)

Siege

Awesome joke, I gotta remember that one

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"Your name's Geek? Do you know the origin of the term? A geek is someone who bites the heads off chickens at a circus. I would never let you suck my dick with a name like Geek"

--Kevin Smith

This part just makes my posts easier to find

feelgood

Love it but it was better when the Dad was the man's wife and the mom was the man's wife too. It would've made more sense too

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Looking out the window, that's an act of war. Staring at my shoes, that's an act of war. Committing an act of war? Oh you better believe that's an act of war

Brewmaniac

Funny joke! Thanks again Sir

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"That's a joke... I say, that's a joke, son"

Menoman

hah that is def one of the few jokes that you just can't see the punchline coming at all

goodone

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loganmule

very funny...and I hope I remember to say that, should I end up in this situation

Daniel_

love it.

I'll be passing that one off as my own sho-nuf..

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Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
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bigTex

Whoop!

I love it