LoganSnake

Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.

A pessimist's blood type is always B-negative.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.

Without geometry, life is pointless.

When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.

Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

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Maturity is knowing you were an idiot in the past. Wisdom is knowing that you'll be an idiot in the future. Common sense is knowing that you should try not to be an idiot now. - J. Jacques

Brewmaniac

"Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red."

I love this!

These are great! Thanks

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"That's a joke... I say, that's a joke, son"

The_Jazz

Ouch. Some of those hurt.

maleficent

/me groans...

Puns are the lowest form of humor -- what does that say about me that I was mildly amused by some of them...

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ratbastid

You know, of course, that the shortest distance between two puns is a straightline.

Charlatan

Slapstick is the lowest from of humour... you don't need a translator to understand a pie in the face or fall down a flight of stairs.

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"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars."
- Old Man Luedecke

maestroxl

I love it, I'm a sucker for puns. Thanks!

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be the change you want

Daniel_

I like puns

I especially like current puns.

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╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗
Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝

SirLance

I read this somewhere, can't remember where.

A group of scientists visits a far-off planet. Everything is a wasteland. In the middle of the desert, they see a large statue of an apparently human male, sitting with one hand on the head and elbow on knee. They are struck by it's similarity to Rodin's "The Thinker."

They examine the statue, probe, poke, scan. All to no avail.

Suddenly, the statue stands, exclaims "I THINK, THEREFORE I AM" and sits back down.

One of the scientists says "I get it! It only stands to reason!"

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DEMOCRACY is where your vote counts, FEUDALISM is where your count votes.

LazyBoy

lol.....they may be "low", but they make me laugh

Thanks,

-Will

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Life is nothing, everything.....and something in between...

paulskinback

An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.



He crashed through several windows, but felt no pane.




How Long is a Chinese man.


......................drumroll...............................

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'Everything that can be invented has been invented.- - 1899, Charles Duell, U.S. Office of Patents.

'There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.' - Ken Olson, 1977, Digital Equipment Corporation

captobvious

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho cheese!

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A.

Mr. and Mrs. Bigger have a baby. Who is the biggest?
The baby because it's a little Bigger.