LoganSnake

I like monkeys.

The pet store was selling them for 5 a piece. I thought that odd since they were normally a couple thousand each. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. I bought 200. I like monkeys.

I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in their genitals. I laughed. Then they punched my genitals. I stopped laughing.

I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new environment. They would screech, hurl themselves off of the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour.

Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive: they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sorta' dropped dead. Kinda' like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Damn cheap monkeys.

I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my room, on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked like I had 200 throw rugs.

I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck. Then I had one dead, wet monkey and 199 dead, dry monkeys.

I tried pretending that they were just stuffed animals. That worked for a while, that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell real bad.

I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in the toilet and I didn't want to call the plumber. I was embarrassed.

I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortunately there was only enough room for two monkeys at a time so I had to change them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn't all go bad.

I tried burning them. Little did I know my bed was flammable. I had to extinguish the fire.

Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in my freezer, and 197 dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed. The odor wasn't improving.

I became agitated at my inability to dispose of my monkeys and to use the bathroom. I severely beat one of my monkeys. I felt better.

I tried throwing them away but the garbage man said that the city wasn't allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him that I had a wet one. He couldn't take that one either. I didn't bother asking about the frozen ones.

I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My friends didn't know quite what to say. They pretended that they like them but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them in the genitals.

I like monkeys.

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Maturity is knowing you were an idiot in the past. Wisdom is knowing that you'll be an idiot in the future. Common sense is knowing that you should try not to be an idiot now. - J. Jacques

Bacchanal

If this is a "joke", I missed the punchline.

It did make me laugh a couple times though.

KungFuGuy

i laughed but when i got to the last part with no punchline, i didn't know why. maybe i missed the punchline.

what's funniest about the joke is the imagery of a guy trying to figure out what to do with 200 dead monkeys.

joemc91

I think the joke is he started doing exactly what the monkeys did, and the realization that it's fun! I have this image of the first time he punches his friends in the genitals with a huge grin while thinking about the past monkeys.

fresnelly

The punch, the groin... It works on so many levels.

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Building an artificial intelligence that appreciates Mozart is easy. Building an A.I. that appreciates a theme restaurant is the real challenge - Kit Roebuck - Nine Planets Without Intelligent Life

Slippery Slope

I was laughing as the joke progressed...but then someone punched me in the bollocks.

cyrnel

Somehow reminds me of National Lampoon.

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There are a vast number of people who are uninformed and heavily propagandized, but fundamentally decent. The propaganda that inundates them is effective when unchallenged, but much of it goes only skin deep. If they can be brought to raise questions and apply their decent instincts and basic intelligence, many people quickly escape the confines of the doctrinal system and are willing to do something to help others who are really suffering and oppressed." -Manufacturing Consent: Noam Chomsky and the Media, p. 195

LoganSnake

Not everything posted in Humor has to be a joke, has it? It's just a funny story type thing.

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Maturity is knowing you were an idiot in the past. Wisdom is knowing that you'll be an idiot in the future. Common sense is knowing that you should try not to be an idiot now. - J. Jacques

barenakedladies

you as long as this has been around ... 5-10 years? it is still funny everytime i see it.

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losthellhound

consider reading it as Emo Philips.. that kinda gives it more funny.. it doesnt need a punch line.. The whole thing IS a punchline

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"Life is possible only with illusions. And so, the question for the science of mental health must become an absolutely new and revolutionary one, yet one that reflects the essence of the human condition: On what level of illusion does one live?"
-- Ernest Becker, The Denial of Death

CSflim

Love this one.
Posted before. Twice!

http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthr...hlight=monkeys

http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthr...hlight=monkeys

just sayin'...

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Bacchanal

I wasn't speaking harshly. It just caught me off guard because I was expecting a punchline, and there is none.

It is a funny story though, so that makes it humor.

Lloyd

Ive seen this agggges ago, but its still great