|
08-09-2008, 07:54 AM
|
#15166 (permalink) |
|
The Reforms
Location: Rarely, if ever, here or there, but always in transition
|
__________________
As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world (that is the myth of the Atomic Age) as in being able to remake ourselves. —Mohandas K. Gandhi |
|
|
08-09-2008, 08:50 AM
|
#15167 (permalink) | |
|
Tired
Location: Florida
|
Quote:
Currently listening to GZA - 4th Chamber. Dope song.
__________________
From a head full of pressure rests the senses that I clutch Made a date with Divinity, but she wouldn't let me fuck I got touched by a hazy shaded, God help me change Caught a rush on the floor from the life in my veins |
|
|
|
|
08-09-2008, 09:12 AM
|
#15168 (permalink) |
|
The Reforms
Location: Rarely, if ever, here or there, but always in transition
|
Jun Seba is a Japanese hip-hop music producer and DJ... from Nujabes - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Click on my profile page to see Feather 
__________________
As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world (that is the myth of the Atomic Age) as in being able to remake ourselves. —Mohandas K. Gandhi |
|
|
|
08-09-2008, 08:52 PM
|
#15172 (permalink) | |
|
let me be clear
Location: Waddy Peytona
|
Quote:
__________________
"It rubs the lotion on Buffy, Jodi and Mr. French's skin" - Uncle Bill from Buffalo |
|
|
|
|
08-09-2008, 09:49 PM
|
#15173 (permalink) |
|
Eat your vegetables
Super Moderator
Location: Arabidopsis-ville
|
One five one seven three
Hanging onto this tree
__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq "violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy |
|
|
|
08-11-2008, 09:44 AM
|
#15176 (permalink) | |
|
Junkie
Location: France
|
Quote:
__________________
Check it out: The Open Source/Freeware/Gratis Software Thread |
|
|
|
|
08-11-2008, 09:07 PM
|
#15179 (permalink) |
|
The Reforms
Location: Rarely, if ever, here or there, but always in transition
|
I wish I could start a topic, but my mind is blank, and I am here in solitude.
Did anyone else notice the Longest Thread is now on Digg?
__________________
As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world (that is the myth of the Atomic Age) as in being able to remake ourselves. —Mohandas K. Gandhi |
|
|
|
08-11-2008, 10:21 PM
|
#15180 (permalink) | |
|
Riding the Ocean Spray
Location: S.E. PA in U Sofa
|
Quote:
Some day, thousands of years from now, after fears of global warming will have been cooled down by the emergence of the next ice age, an advanced humanoid will find a laptop in a long forgotten cave. And when they try to turn it on, nothing will happen...but if it did turn it on, they might find evidence of this thread. That would be cool. |
|
|
|
|
08-11-2008, 10:50 PM
|
#15181 (permalink) |
|
The Reforms
Location: Rarely, if ever, here or there, but always in transition
|
Oh, that makes think now.... where in the world is the internet?
__________________
As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world (that is the myth of the Atomic Age) as in being able to remake ourselves. —Mohandas K. Gandhi |
|
|
|
08-12-2008, 04:52 AM
|
#15182 (permalink) | |
|
let me be clear
Location: Waddy Peytona
|
Quote:
 
__________________
"It rubs the lotion on Buffy, Jodi and Mr. French's skin" - Uncle Bill from Buffalo Last edited by ottopilot; 08-12-2008 at 04:57 AM.. |
|
|
|
|
08-12-2008, 07:02 PM
|
#15185 (permalink) |
|
The Reforms
Location: Rarely, if ever, here or there, but always in transition
|
Slowly I get up to rise, only later realizing I was down yet awake. Unaware, I am, to this strange feeling of nostalgia.
__________________
As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world (that is the myth of the Atomic Age) as in being able to remake ourselves. —Mohandas K. Gandhi |
|
|
|
08-13-2008, 04:37 AM
|
#15186 (permalink) |
|
Eponymous
Location: Central Central Florida
|
Shades of Through The Looking Glass...
You see, Kitty, it must have been either me or the Red King. He was part of my dream, of course -- but then I was part of his dream, too! Was it the Red King, Kitty? You were his wife, my dear, so you ought to know -- oh, Kitty, do help to settle it! I'm sure your paw can wait!" But the provoking kitten only began on the other paw, and pretended it hadn't heard the question.
__________________
We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess. Mark Twain |
|
|
|
08-13-2008, 04:47 AM
|
#15187 (permalink) |
|
The Reforms
Location: Rarely, if ever, here or there, but always in transition
|
A list of why Brits have very dry humor
A dog walks into the saloon bar, the piano player stops playing and everyone turns round to watch. The dog leans on the bar and says to the bartender: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw".
Andy, UK What's an Ig? An Eskimo's house without a toilet. Jane, Scotland An anteater walks into a pub. The barman says, "What's with the long face?" Roger, Scotland Doctor, Doctor, I can't pronounce the letters F, T and H! Well, you can't say fairer than that then. Stephen, Manchester, UK A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms. "Now, class. Observe closely the worms," said the professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be. The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail. "Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the professor asked. Johnny, who naturally sits at the back, raised his hand and wisely responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms!" Hesham, New Zealand From the late, great Les Dawson - The mother-in-law said to me "When you die, I'll dance on your grave". I said, "Good - I'm being buried at sea". David, Scotland Doctor, Doctor, I keep wanting to cover myself in gold paint. Don't worry it's only a gilt complex. Sad Muppet, UK Two squid are having a row. "I saw you again with that pretty young octopus!" the female screams. "No, dear, you've got it all wrong," protests the male. "Our relationship's purely planktonic!" Jon, Luton, UK Man walks into a pub. The barman says "I bet you can't get those pieces of meat off the ceiling". The man says, "I'm not taking that bet". "Why not?", says the barman. The man replies, "Because the steaks are too high..." Two neutrons walk into a bar and order a couple of pints of lager. The first neutron goes for his wallet and the barman says, "It's OK, there's no charge...." Ben Davidson, UK What did the Mexican fireman call his twin sons? HoseA and HoseB Gary, Japan Did you hear the one about the dyslexic devil-worshipper who sold his soul to Santa? Gabrielle, UK A man walks into a bar with a slab of tarmac under his arm. He chooses a table, carefully puts the tarmac on one of the chairs and walks up to the bar. "I'll have a pint of lager", he says to the barman before indicating to the tarmac "And one for the road". Tim, London A strip of tarmac goes into the pub and orders a pint. After serving him, the barman asks if he wants to join his mate in the corner. Sitting in the corner is a strip of red tarmac. The strip of tarmac shakes his head violently - "I'm not going near him" it says, "he's a cyclepath!" Guy Chapman, UK Blind man holding a piece of crispbread: "Who the hell wrote this?!" Kola Krauze, Sweden How many dull people does it take to change a lightbulb? One JFH, UK Scientists have finally succeeded in cloning the first human being. The clone is said to be so happy that he is beside himself. Fiona, UK I bought some HP sauce the other day. It's costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years Fieldy, UK What do you call a chicken in a shell suit? An egg! Rick, UK What do you call a Tellytubby who has been burgled? Tubby! Philip, Worcester How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb? Banana! Helen White, UK Q. What makes a tongue depressed? A. A tongue Depresser Laura Upton, Canada What you call a man in a raincoat: Mac. What you call a man in two raincoats: Max. What you call a man in two raincoats, standing in a cemetery: Max Bygraves... Jon, Norway Q: What's red and looks like a bucket? A: A red bucket! Q: What's blue and looks like a bucket? A: A red bucket in disguise! John, Australia What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea! Laura Ortiz, USA A sandwich walks into a bar and asks for a pint. Barman replies "sorry we don't serve food." Two sheep in a field, one says "oh, I feel really ill." "Shhh," says the other, "you'll get us all killed!" Drew, Scotland Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide! Pete Mason, Sheffield, UK An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. The barman says "Is this some kind of joke?" Jim, UK There are 3 kinds of people in the world. Those who can count and those who can't... Bruce, Australia What do you call a man without a spade in his head? Douglas Lau Gainpaulsingh, UK The world's funniest joke? Well, the German football team, I'd have thought. Torsten Meissner, UK/Germany What do you call an Italian with a rubber toe? Roberto! Jason, England Descartes - To be is to do. Volataire - To do is to be. Frank Sinatra - Do be do be do. Mac, Scotland A duck walks into a Pub and asks for a pint, the surprised landlord exclaims "My God a talking duck!" The duck replies "Yeah, I'm working on the building site across the road. I'll be in every lunchtime for two weeks for a pint" "Fine" says the Landlord, and says no more about it. The next day the circus comes to town, and the ringmaster drops into the pub for a pint. The landlord says, "I've got just the thing for you mate! There's a talking duck that comes in here for a pint every lunchtime - If you like, when I see him I'll tell him that you are interested in him." "Oh definitely" says the ringmaster, "Tell him to get in touch as soon as possible!" Without fail the Duck pops in that lunchtime for his pint. The landlord tells the duck about the ringmaster's interest in him. The duck asks "A circus? That's a tent isn't it?" "Yes" replies the Landlord. "It's made of canvas isn't it, with big red stripes on?" enquires the duck. "Yes, that's right, you've got it!" answers the landlord excitedly. "But" says the duck "What the hell do they want with a plasterer? Peter Clancy, UK A man walks into a bar. He says, "Ouch!" Laura, UK Did you hear about the magic car? It went down the road and turned into a garage NM, Ireland What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk... May Kewlaff, UK From Tommy Cooper - They say one in every 5 people are Chinese, and there are 5 people in my family. It's not my Mum or Dad and it's not me. So it must be one of my brothers - Colin or Wan Ho Li. But I think it's Colin. Frank Hollis, UK Two flies playing football in a saucer, one fly says to the other fly, "We have to play better than this next week" Why asks the other fly. "Because we are playing in the cup!" Charley, England Two cannibals were eating a clown, one cannibal says to the other, does this taste funny to you! Dave Giles, England Where does a baby monkey sleep? In the apricot. Tom What did the number 0 say to the number 8? Answer: 'I like your belt'! Kate, UK George Bush Angela, UK My cat wasn't very well so I took it to the vets. The vet said, "before I look at your cat it'll be £50." "No worries, just fix it" I replied. He looked at the cat and said "its dead." "It can't be - I want a second opinion." So the vet goes to the waiting room and asks the owner of a black Labrador if he could borrow it. He then turns to the dog and says" just check out whether the cat is dead." The dog sniffed my cat, looked at the vet and said "nope, its dead" "I still don't believe you - I want a third opinion." So off he goes into the waiting room again and this time comes back with another cat. He says to the cat "just check that this is dead." Sure enough the cat sniffs around my cat, looks to the vet, shakes his head and says "no its dead." "OK" I say - I believe you here is the £50 - "No, no says the vet, its £200 now." "What do you mean?" "Well there was a £50 initial consultation fee, then you had a lab report and then you had a cat scan!" Toby Pulford, UK Why are elephants big, grey and wrinkly? Because if they were small, white and smooth they'd be a paracetamol! Louise, Kent, UK Person 1: What's the name of the American city often referred to as the windy city? Person 2: Chicago? Person 1: Yes, very well thanks since I had it serviced! Adge, UK Two fish in a tank, one says to the other "How do you drive this thing?" Colin Wicks, UK Two hydrogen atoms sitting at the bar. One is looking very unhappy and depressed. His mate says, "What's up with you then?" The sad atom answers, "I've lost an electron". His mate looks surprised and asks, "Are you sure?" With a sigh the answer comes back, "Yes I'm positive!" Simon, UK Two sheep in a field. One said to the other "BA AAA BA AAAA BA AAA". The other said: "Blimey, I was going to say that". Dave Alderman, UK What do you call a man with a spade in his head? Doug! Absolutely brilliant! Tony, Where is the Irish Sea? Between the Irish B and the Irish D! Alf, UK What's small, round and giggles? A: A tickled onion Barry Smith, UK Two neighbours are out walking their dogs. One guy - a German shepherd owner - says "Let's go in that bar over there and have a drink." The other - a Chihuahua owner - says "They'll never let us in with the dogs." The first replies "Just follow my lead" as he dons a pair of sunglasses. When the doorman stops him, he says "But, this is my Seeing Eye dog", and is allowed in. His friend quickly puts on his sunglasses and makes the same pitch to the doorman. The doorman says: "I've never seen a Chihuahua seeing eye dog." To which the guy responds, "WHAT! They gave me a damn Chihuahua?!" Bob Brier, USA I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her. Colin Smith Did you hear about the two blokes arrested for drinking battery acid and eating a firework? One was charged and the other let off. Adrian, UK What's brown and sticky? A stick! Paul Clare, London, UK Did you hear about the guy that drowned in his muesli? A strong currant pulled him in! Jam, UK I lent my friend $10,000 to pay for plastic surgery. I can't get my money back because I don't what he looks like. Dan, UK International surgeon's conference. First a surgeon from UK takes the stand: "we transplanted a lung to sick man. After 6 weeks he recovered and now he looks for a job". Second, a French surgeon: "we took a half of heart from one man and transplanted it to another patient. After 4 weeks both of them are OK and look for a job". And then American surgeon speaks: "we took a person without brain from Texas and put him in White House. After just 2 weeks half of our country looks for a job". Alexandre, Australia A ghost walks into a pub and says, "I'll have a vodka, please." The bartender replies, "I'm sorry, we don't serve spirits here." Michael Rehak, UK A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and tells him that her body hurts wherever she touches it. "Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me." She takes her finger and pushes on her elbow and screams in agony. She then pushes on her knee and screams... pushes on her ankle and screams, and so it goes. No matter where she touches, her agony is apparent. After some thought, the doctor says "You're not really a brunette, are you? You're really a blonde". She sheepishly admits that indeed, she is a blonde. "I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken." Sue Kav, Wales Two Aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married. The ceremony was rubbish but the Reception was Brilliant. Man goes to the doctor with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says: "I'll give you some cream to put on it." "Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home." "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. " "Is it common? " "It's not unusual." A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed? " "No, because he's really heavy" Nick Wilkinson, England Have you seen the latest hairstyle? Young kids are having half their head shaved whilst leaving the other half untouched. It's called the "power cut". Jon Kirk, England One cow says to another: "Have you heard about mad cow disease?" The other cow thinks and replies: "I am not worried - I am a parrot." Dirk Bangert, UK A man is walking down the street with a cabbage attached to a piece of string. His mate bumps into him and says - why have you got a cabbage attached to a piece of string. He replies - It's not a cabbage, it's a cauli! Ross, UK Easily the best joke in the world is... Why has Edward Woodwood got 4 D's in his name.... Because otherwise he would be called Ewar Woowar... Damian Pennell, England I thought Monty Python had already completed that research programme and the result was: My dogs got no nose! How does he smell then? Terrible! Tony Gillingham, Philippines Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac? He used to lie awake at night wondering if there was a dog. Rhys Williams, Wales Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac? He used to lie awake at night wondering if there was a dog! Rhys Williams, Wales A snail is making his way through the woods when he is mugged by two slugs. He goes to the woodland police station to report the crime and, still in some considerable distress, is interviewed by the duty sergeant (probably a squirrel). In an effort to restore order, the sergeant says "Please calm down Mr Snail! It's important that you give us as much information as you can about your attackers so they can't do this sort of thing again. Now did you get a good look at their faces?" The snail replies, "I'm sorry, I didn't - it all happened so quickly!" Karl, Leeds, UK Q: Why is 6 afraid of 7? A: Because 7 8 9. Stephen Doody, UK There were 2 eggs in a frying pan, one says to the other - "Blimey, it's hot in here" The other replies - "Arrgggh! A talking egg"!
__________________
As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world (that is the myth of the Atomic Age) as in being able to remake ourselves. —Mohandas K. Gandhi |
|
|
|
08-13-2008, 05:56 AM
|
#15189 (permalink) |
|
The Reforms
Location: Rarely, if ever, here or there, but always in transition
|
__________________
As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world (that is the myth of the Atomic Age) as in being able to remake ourselves. —Mohandas K. Gandhi |
|
|
|
08-14-2008, 01:18 PM
|
#15192 (permalink) |
|
Riding the Ocean Spray
Location: S.E. PA in U Sofa
|
Search and sometimes I'm sorry for what I find:
The seedy truth of the brothers Chuckle A review by ShemalesWalkAmongUs on Chucklevision May 19th, 2007 Two men, one destiny and one married man. This is the legend of the Chuckle brothers, the men who inspired Laurel and Hardy and, to a lesser extent, Queen. Born in 1908 and 1912 respectively, Barry and Paul Chuckle are best known these days as TV's premier entertainers, having appeared in such time honoured epics as 'Chuckle Vision', 'The Matrix Reloaded' and, more famously, the global sensation 'The Male G-Spot'. We're here today, however, to celebrate just one of these achievements. Chuckle Vision, a national instituiton and the longest running TV show of all time. It's been translated into 48 languages and is said to be shown somewhere at any given time of day or night. Chucklevision was the brainchild of Alfred Hitchcock and was originally written with Sydney Poitier in mind. After a successful 25 year run known as the 'golden streak', Sydney left the top spot to persue other projects and allow fresh talent to saunter in. After a successful audition in which Alfred was brought to tears, Paul and Barry were given the job. 1948 never looked so pretty. The show went from strength to strength and included such daring storylines such as the 1958 Oscar winning episode where Barry Chuckle had explicit (some might say unnecessarily hardcore) sex with a black man. This 98 minute live extravaganza managed to pull in an impressive 74 million viewers world wide. Sadly the 1958 spectacular was the height of their success for now as their most controversial moment was a step too far. In 1968 the brothers went to Vietnam to entertain the troops. Unfortunately their career was stopped for the time when they not only entertained the wrong troops but they chose that moment to showcase their latest show 'The human toilet'. In theory this was comedy gold but in practise having a 57 stone morbidly obese man sit on the frail face of Paul backfired spectaularly. After three months of extensive facial reconstructive surgery (which achieved mixed results), the Chuckle Brothers were spectularly charged with crimes against humanity and sentenced to 74 years in prison. Chucklevision, as we knew it was dead. In 1985 they were released and made a Lazarus like come back, appearing on Michael Parkinson's show. Unfortunately, the show was interrupted when Barry fell into an instant unexplainable coma. Allegations persisted of heroin and cocaine abuse and the Chucklevision project was haunted by repeated homosexual allegations. With Barry critically ill in hospital, Paul headed for Hollywood where he starred in the cult classic 'Son of deep throat'. Sadly, a stunt backfired and Paul's windpipe was cruelly crushed and he was unable to speak for two years. In 1992, a Jesus like resurrection from Barry saw the Chucklevision project given the kiss of life. This new incarnation was helped along by some familiar faces such a young Ghandi, William Shatner and the pope. Finally back in the lime light the brothers took the time to write their famous autobiography 'A life in pictures'. It's still a best seller, having shifted in excess of 700 million volumes. Things were going well until, in 2001, allegations of Paul having an affair with a married man hit the newspapers. Cruel pictures and the nickname 'the golden shower' forced Paul to go into hiding for two years. Barry carried the torch, but Chucklevision felt the loss of the leading man during this period as audiences plummeted to all time lows of only 10 million. Something drastic had to be done.... and it was. In 2004 a star studded cast, including Art Attack's Niel Buchanan and Nelson Mandela, welcomed the brothers back out of the darkness. The show was an instant global success. The brothers continue today to continue to wow audiences the world over and the upcoming movie about their lives featuring Hugh Jackman and John Candy is tipped for the top. We wish Paul and Barry all the luck and thank them for putting Britain on the map. Chucklevision has been with us since the beginning and we owe these men a huge debt of gratitude. Many years and many seasons have passed but the legend that is Chucklevision lives on. It is art, it is poetry, it is Chucklevision. Little Known Facts: Paul is a devout Muslim. Most expensive episode cost £50,000 in 1961 which, in today's money, is about £13,000,000. Barry famously filmed a season while afflicted with Malaria. Paul was born without legs but has been in denial about it ever since. Paul and Barry aren't actually brothers, they are father and son. For one season, Mr. T filled in for Barry Chuckle and nobody realised, not even Paul Chuckle. List of special cameos: Keanu Reeves, who made his TV debut in 1959 on this show. Elton John Joseph Stalin, in rare TV appearance Steven Spielberg 'Nasty' Nick Bateman from Big Brother 1 Famous storylines: Paul in space (1958) Barry and the law suit (1960) Paul and the accident with the chocolate log (1967) The jail special (1983) Sex education video #1 (1988) Paul and Barry vs. AIDS (1992) Chuckle your way to a better body (1997) The disadvantages of being gay (1998) X-Men (2000) |
|
|
|
08-15-2008, 07:04 AM
|
#15194 (permalink) |
|
Tired
Location: Florida
|
We're fucking e-famous. Holy shit.
__________________
From a head full of pressure rests the senses that I clutch Made a date with Divinity, but she wouldn't let me fuck I got touched by a hazy shaded, God help me change Caught a rush on the floor from the life in my veins |
|
|
|
08-15-2008, 02:06 PM
|
#15195 (permalink) |
|
The Reforms
Location: Rarely, if ever, here or there, but always in transition
|
Are these allegations true?
__________________
As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world (that is the myth of the Atomic Age) as in being able to remake ourselves. —Mohandas K. Gandhi |
|
|
|
08-16-2008, 10:18 AM
|
#15197 (permalink) |
|
still, wondering.
Location: South Minneapolis, somewhere near the gorgeous gorge
|
We laugh at some things,
but from diff'rent directions, then we laugh some more. (P-ABR) -----Added 16/8/2008 at 03 : 51 : 11----- She's scaring me now, but since she IS the driver, I will say nothing. (Nothing!!!)
__________________
BE JUST AND FEAR NOT 
Last edited by Ourcrazymodern?; 08-16-2008 at 11:51 AM.. Reason: Automerged Doublepost |
|
|
| Tags |
| longest, thread, tlte! |
|
|
