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12-15-2005, 09:08 AM
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#1 (permalink) |
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Crazy
Location: anytown, USA
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Questions that I do not have the answer for:
Please answer any or all that you wish to.... for i do not know the answer to these questions:
Can you cry under water? How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches? Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round? Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to? Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity? Why does a round pizza come in a square box? What disease did cured ham actually have? How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours? If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV? Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America? Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway. If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call? Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural? Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup? Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!" Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being woul d eat? Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling? If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him? Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane? If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat? Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is? Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs! What do you call male ballerinas? Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream? If Wyle E. Coyo te had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner? If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from? If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse? Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? Why did you just try singing the two songs above? Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt? Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?
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12-15-2005, 09:32 AM
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#3 (permalink) |
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will always be an Alyson Hanniganite
Location: In the dust of the archives
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Based on the amount of lint in the filter, if I left my clothes in the dryer long enough, would they just...disappear?
Is that where my missing socks go?
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"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony "Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt. |
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12-15-2005, 02:05 PM
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#6 (permalink) |
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Comedian
Location: Use the search button
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Can you cry under water?
Sure, but the tears would quickly dissipate from the surrounding water. Crying is an emotional state, and is not affected by the water. How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? One only has to be killed once recognized as a "Pop Culture" figure. If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches? Branch in this case refers to a subsidiary business affiliated with the parent company. The other word usage with branch is in the botanical sense. Although homonyms, there is no other similarity. Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round? the "Squareness" of bread has to do with the pan it is baked in, and the round sandwich meat dates back to when sausage was made using the intestines of the animal as a casing. The tube casing would create the round shape you are refering to. The invention and evolution of these two foodstuffs are seperate, and their pairing in modern times is not sufficient to change either shape. Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to? again, these two sayings are coincidental coloquialisms. The actual monetary value is simply a popular saying. No actual currency is exchanged. Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity? Popular culture has not addressed the conditions of the afterlife sufficiently to answer that question. Why does a round pizza come in a square box? Much like the "sandwich" example above, the shape of the pizza was determined at its origin. Once delivery was available, modern technology understood that shaping cardboard into a square shape is easier than a round shape, due to the properties of the cardboard. What disease did cured ham actually have? The term "Cured" relates to the "Curing Process" involving salt, smoke, and medium temperatures. There is no sickness to "Cure". Although homonyms, there is no other similarity. How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? Good question. Modern historians often point to the moon landing as a technological achievement that rivals all others. Putting wheels on luggage is definitely an improvement, but not nearly the same scale as the Lunar Landing. Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours? Common cultural saying, "Slept like a baby" refers to the many hours of peaceful sleep that infants are witnessed to have. It is also rumoured that the saying is refering to the carefree state of infants, and the person is relating to their lack of commitments and worries that would otherwise interfere with their sleep pattern. If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? Yes, the term "Hearing" is a legal term concerning a legal procedure involving an appointed judge or arbitrator. It does not concern the physical sense of hearing. Although homonyms, there is no other similarity. Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? People are constantly looking for new and novel experiences, while maintaining a safe comfortable feeling. The activity you describe would fit well into a traditional pasttime. Merely changing the perspective of the viewer can offer a novel experience. How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America? Miss America is a contest that spans across the 50 states of the US, and the Presidential Race is a contest that spans across two political parties: The Republicans and the Democrats. If 48 more political parties were to become involved in National politics, or it the presidential race was organized around state representation, the two pools of candidates would be equal. Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway. This is a social construct, and physicians are taught that a person is very vulnerable in the intermediate stages of undress. All measures are taken to provide comfort to the patient, and this includes privacy in preparing for the physical exam. If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call? If they are on duty, they would call out to their colleagues, who would then provide immediate first aid and dispatch an ambulance. If off duty, they would simply phone one of their co-workers who is on duty, using the same means as the general public, that is to say, 911. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!" Historians say that the nomadic cultures in India / Asia were the first to collect and consume milk and/or dairy products. Facing a harsh existence, finding a source of food without having to butcher the animal must have produced an abundance of protein rich food for the tribes. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being woul d eat? toasters have different settings for different types of food, including cooking from frozen and heavier, more moist bread. Unfortunately, these settings are often time-based, resulting in a burned piece of bread is used for normal toast preparation. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? The "Freezer" portion of the refrigerator was originally where the block of ice was kept, providing the chilling of the mechanical refrigerators before electricity. After the invention of the modern refrigerator, producers found that consumers wanted a small additional space that kept foods frozen. The advent of the freezer protion of the refrigerator did not require extra lighting, as it was seen as a small adjunct space to begin with. When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling? Smiling does not sufficiently alter the persons facial characteristics to prevent positive identification. It is of no consequence whether a person should smile for identification purposes. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane? Yes, if the carpool lane is the most direct route to the place of worship or final burial place. Funeral Home employees are prohibited from deviating from that route. The Carpool lane would be most appropriate, actually, since the funeral procession follows the hearse and the rest of the procession is certainly carrying large numbers of people in the vehicles. If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat? If the boat could be fixed properly, the writers would have a very hard time in maintaining the "stranded on a desert island" theme to the show. Instead, not mentioning the glaring hole in plot was the norm in Situational Comedies (or Sitcoms, in popular terms). Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is? Social norms ensure that people shy away from talking about their sexual organs, urges and bodily functions. It is acceptable to inquire about the time of day, however. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs! That question supposes that Cartoon drawings require some standardization. In fact, Cartoon artists can draw anything they like. Therein lies the humor, sociologists reply. What do you call male ballerinas? Males who dance in a Ballet are called "Male Dancers". The principal male dancer in a Ballet is often referred to as a "Cavalier". Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream? Of course blind people dream. Studies have shown that although the traditional definition of "see" does not apply, those participants who had lost their sight did in fact dream using tradtional mental images, as "seen" in their past. If Wyle E. Coyo te had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner? That question supposes that Cartoon drawings require some standardization. In fact, Cartoon artists can draw anything they like. Therein lies the humor, sociologists reply. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from? Baby oil is made from a petrolium based lubricant, and is called "Baby Oil" in reference to its first use, in moisturizing infants skin. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? No, Morality comes from traditional social norms imposed on members of a society or culture. Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? Yes, they are sung using the same music. Why did you just try singing the two songs above? To ensure that the music was in fact similar, and not fundamentally different. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window? Animal psychologists say that the act of blowing air on a dog's face is akin to a frontal challenge; this would be met with open hostility on behalf of the canine involved. When riding in an automobile, however, the animal is experiencing a new and novel event, while maintaining a safe comfortable feeling. Merely changing the perspective of the viewer can offer a novel experience, much like when humans climb to the top of buildings and look down using binoculars.
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3.141592654 Hey, if you are impressed with my memorizing pi to 10 digits, you should see the size of my penis. |
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12-15-2005, 02:42 PM
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#7 (permalink) |
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Crazy
Location: anytown, USA
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wow... that gets the best post of all time vote from me.
amazing... why did i laugh so hard reading this one: again, these two sayings are coincidental coloquialisms. The actual monetary value is simply a popular saying. No actual currency is exchanged. it reminded me of the old adam sandler skits: "THIS POPCORN TASTES LIKE SOMEONE HAS JIZZED ALL OVER IT" "yes... the thought of semen in this popcorn is quite concerning"
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12-15-2005, 04:51 PM
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#9 (permalink) | |
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comfortably numb...
Super Moderator
Location: upstate
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Quote:
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"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done." - Robert S. McNamara ----------------------------------------- "We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches... We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles." - Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message" ----------------------------------------- never wrestle with a pig. you both get dirty; the pig likes it. |
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12-15-2005, 06:12 PM
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#11 (permalink) |
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you're right barenaked, it did sound a lot like the buffoon goes to college. ha ha, matriculate.
but i was wondering, which tee boxes do michelle wie & annika s. use when they play in PGA tourneys? do the LPGA and PGA play from the same tee box? there is an answer, but i don't watch golf. also, why do they call it 7/11 if...just kidding. Last edited by trickyy; 12-15-2005 at 07:54 PM.. Reason: spelling |
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12-15-2005, 07:05 PM
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#12 (permalink) | |
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Psycho
Location: Louisville, KY
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Quote:
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"The truth is merely an excuse for lack of imagination." - Garak |
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BASTARD
